Unlock a POWERFUL 2024 by doing THIS first!

00:00 - Speaker 1
With the new year coming in fast, we are inundated with information about moving forward into 2024. And don't get me wrong, I am all about moving forward. However, often, in order to move forward in the smoothest, most easeful, most aligned way, it is crucial to first take a step back. A step back to look at what has been working, what hasn't been working, a step back to get brutally and lovingly honest with yourself so that you can take the best step forward for you. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Unweaving Chronic Pain Podcast. I am your host, dr Andrea Moore, founder of the Whole Self Integration Method, and I am here to help those who are currently struggling with chronic pain, whose lives have been impacted by pain, who have been shrunk by pain, to expand your life back out again so that you can live it of one of passion, meaning, fulfillment, joy, connection, love and in whatever way feels amazing for you. Because this is your life. You get to decide how you live it and I'm here to help you do that. If you found this podcast to be helpful, please take a moment to go ahead and review it on Apple Podcasts. This helps others be able to find this podcast so they also can get the same benefit and if you have an episode that is a favorite and you think you would help a friend, please take that minute to send it on over as a little gift for this year. 

01:39
Now, this episode's going to be a little different than how we normally structure things. Normally, it's just me talking at you, right? Hopefully, there are some moments that you get to stop and reflect and pause. However, for today's podcast, I'm going to really build that in. So, if you normally listen while you are driving, while you are washing dishes, while you are out on a walk which is how I always love to listen to my podcast personally so this is why I'm giving the heads up I'm really going to invite you to find a place where you could actually sit down, get a pen and paper I really suggest pen and paper because pen to paper is so valuable and to take this time for yourself. I'm purposely making this episode short and it is going to have built in time to reflect. 

02:28
Because, let's be real, how many podcasts do you listen to, or might you have already listened to about reflecting on your year or answering these questions for yourself, and you're like I'm going to do that later and then you never do. At least that's me right, and I know that's so many of my listeners. Life then starts going. We never take that moment to come back to it, so this one is specifically designed as if this was a coaching session. Imagine I am right in front of you and, while I won't pause too long, I will invite you to pause it in between questions, just so you aren't having to wait too long. If you are able to answer a question quickly, I really want you to sit down and do it Now. All right, so these questions are going to be all about reflecting on this past year and, like I just said, I want to get right into it. I'm going to just give a quick reason for why we're doing this and why this is going to be one of the most valuable exercises you could do to set yourself up for a 2024 that feels like it is more aligned than any year you've ever lived without pausing to reflect. 

03:42
What so often happens is we plow forward with these big visions, because I know, if you're listening to this, you have visions for yourself, you have goals you set for yourself. I have no doubt about that but how often do you really pause to reflect on what's actually happening and how are you actually moving towards those? I think sometimes the New Year's can be a bit of a painful time to realize, if we take the moment to reflect of, wow, I'm setting the exact same goal that I set last year, like I'm in the same place, or possibly in a worse off place than I was last year when I set this goal. And that happens when we don't take this time to reflect. Now a little bit of pain and brutal truth for ourselves, when used in a loving, compassionate way, when we can see ourselves as humans who are living in a world that is inundated with information, that moves at a speed that we weren't equipped to move at and has been full of things that we just were not expecting this year or the past few years, and we are all still recovering. When we can have compassion for all that, see it for what it is and still make the decision that you get to live your life how you want it and you're not going to let these outer things dictate or take away the pieces of your life that bring you fulfillment and joy and connection. And then it's a powerful combination, but it takes reflection and being honest with ourselves. 

05:20
Hopefully you've sat down by now, you found your piece of paper and, before we start writing, what I want to first invite in is just finding a moment of safety and stability, exactly where you are right now. So I'm going to invite you to look around and literally see the safety that is around you right now, because if there isn't safety around you right now, you shouldn't be doing this, being playful about it. Seeing, hey, there's no saber-tooth tigers in the corner, there's no massive tarantulas that are going to jump out Having fun with it. Don't have to take this work so seriously all the time and just showing your nervous system hey, you know what? Even no matter how your body feels right now, no matter how you emotionally feel right now, you're physically safe. 

06:13
And then, if it feels okay for you closing down your eyes or if you're more comfortable, just letting yourself gaze and kind of letting your gaze soften in an object in front of you, allowing that to happen, in just Waking up your senses, noticing any sounds that are present, even any smells If you have coffee or tea with you, taking a taste, or even just water and just noticing the taste, knowing that right here and right now, your brain is gonna continue to think thoughts as I'm talking, because that's what brains will do. Your heart will continue to beat and your breath continues to breathe you at whatever pace it is at right now. There is nothing you need to do or change. You get to just be right here and right now, exactly as you are. All that you are Really feeling into the support, either from your chair, if you're sitting on a chair, from the ground, from your bed, from whatever surface you are on, feeling the support of it, if it's a soft surface, or if this feels like you need to do this, I'm gonna invite you to find a surface that feels really stable, and that might mean just putting your hands on your desk or the wall or your headboard if you're sitting in bed. 

07:55
You don't have to move, or just putting your feet on the floor to really just feel into the stability of a surface, even leaning against it, just allowing it to fully support you. Where, right now, before you start writing, before you have to get into that position, can you just be held? Where can you let your bones just be heavy, really allowing them to be fully supported by the earth and by gravity? And then the last piece is gonna invite in your authentic wisdom. This is the part of you that knows you and your truth and that holds that as the highest priority. We're gonna invite that part of you to be leading and guiding you as you answer these questions and then you can bring in some touch. Maybe you're just feeling your own hands, that you're here in a body then, wiggling your fingers and your toes and, if your eyes were closed, opening them back up and just coming back to the here and the now, maybe making yourself comfortable, wiggling a little bit, moving, shifting, maybe making yourself two percent more comfortable. 

09:27
And then we're gonna move into the first part and it's gonna start with a more embodied experience and that is to visit yourself back at the beginning of 2023, one year ago. And I'm gonna invite you to bring your past self, your one year ago selves, up as if they were in front of you, and you're gonna just make that connection with self. Now, it is totally fine if you're not actually seeing yourself or if they look totally different. Don't get caught up in that piece. It might just be a felt sense, a knowing, or there might be some other representation, and you're gonna connect into what they were feeling at this time what they wanted for themselves in the next year, what they imagined was possible for themselves. Maybe they're speaking it to you, maybe it's just a knowing, maybe it's a feeling, but it's really tapping into, like, where were you a year ago? What were your goals, what were your aspirations? And once you have that, you can write those down if that feels right. But you're gonna now check in and ask yourself did I follow through with those? Did I do what I promised to myself and allow your past self to answer that Now the answer you get it could be obviously a variety of things. 

11:21
This, for some, can be a painful question. For others, this could be a time to realize that you've actually, that you're actually not giving yourself credit for how far you have come in a year. It might even be a combination of both of those things. Maybe it's a realizing of wow, I really didn't. But when I see the big picture, there's good reason for that and there's so much compassion and recognition of needing to change courses, and that's totally fine. Maybe there's a realization that you tend to make big promises to yourself and not follow through. This is really, really common. Maybe there's a realization that you are really hard on yourself and maybe you realize that you've set these massive, unrealistic expectations for how much you can accomplish in a year and that that doesn't feel supportive or maybe it does right. There is no right thing you should be getting out of this other than what is true for you. 

12:30
While your past self is here, we're going to ask them two more questions. What do they wish that you would have done differently and what do they want to thank you for doing for them? And just a reminder you can pause at any time if you need more time to get those answered, and you can also pause to ask any other questions you'd like. But we're gonna thank your past self for showing up, for being willing to speak to you, and if you felt like you couldn't make contact with them, just revisit this at another time, or sometimes they'll show up in a different way. That in itself is okay. Celebrate the fact that you are here, just being willing to make the connection that nothing has gone wrong, all right. 

13:28
Now that we have gotten that information from your past self, we're gonna bring you into more active writing. So I want you to get really clear and you can come back and do this with different areas of life or different topics, because sometimes getting really specific can be very helpful. So, since this is a podcast about healing chronic pain, that might be a place you wanna work with of okay, did I really take the time or address my body in a way that felt supportive if that was one of your big goals? And again, since you're listening to the podcast, I can only make the assumption it is, or it might be, something else entirely. It might be like about living in a certain way or living your truth, or starting a business that you wanted to start. So these generally will work for all of them, and so I'm gonna leave them a little more vague for that reason and I will operate a little bit more under the assumption that it's about our relationship with ourselves and our body and our pain. 

14:39
So what I wanna ask is along the past year, how much time have you spent trying to logic your way to the next step? How much time have you spent gathering information, listening to information, consuming information, using that logic mind, even thinking about the next step? All of these are gonna count as this, this like thinking selfie where in your head trying to figure out the next step and I know you're not gonna have a numerical I spent 1,268 hours of time on this. That would be insane if you do. But even just a knowing. So you can even ask your wisdom to put up like a percentage or a radar or a meter that you can see right. Is it like in the green zone? Is it in a yellow zone? Is it in a red zone, like green being? It was really supportive and useful time and it was time that led me to then take the next action. That felt really aligned. It's a yellow where it's like okay, I spent a lot of time waffling in decisions and I could have made some decisions a lot faster, but ultimately I made them and I moved forward. 

15:59
Or is it the red zone, where it's been all about consumption of information and maybe even gathering some amazing information. So you are now an expert on a topic, but it's not translating into life, into your lived experience and the way that you hoped. Maybe you can talk circles around a doctor about your own body and symptoms and condition and the mind body relationship, but for yourself, you really haven't seen progress. Right, that'd be red zone. Maybe you've done all the research on how to start a business but you haven't actually taken a step to starting it. That's red zone. So, really, being honest, how much time has been spent in gathering information in your head and even in like spinning in anxiety or fear or questioning or doubt, confusion, not knowing what to do? So that way, that's what's you know, making you seek out the information to do it. So once you have that, this is going to be another question where it's going to really ask your wisdom to provide the answer, to provide a felt sense. Bring up that meter of green zone, yellow zone, red zone, if that feels right, if that works for you Of how much of your personal responsibility, your self responsibility, have you handed off to somebody else or something else, things that are truly yours to be responsible for. 

17:39
I'm not talking about delegation that is supportive. I'm talking about things that are yours to work with, that you have chosen to try to outsource in a way that is not supportive. Example being if you know you have mind body symptoms, you know your pain is due to your nervous system of motions, unlooked at, traumas, you know that in your soul and yet you're hopping from practitioner to practitioner, from chiropractor to massage therapist, to physical therapist, to getting injections to taking medications. That is handing off personal responsibility. If that is the case for you, it's not handing off personal responsibility. If you need to go to the doctor to get medically cleared or perhaps get medical attention, that is incredibly appropriate for what is going on for you. That does not count as handing off responsibility. That counts as being very responsible for self. Where have you not shown up to a doctor's appointment or gotten a physical or a checkup because you've handed off your responsibility to doctor Google and instead felt more comfortable googling symptoms because it felt too scary to go to the doctor? That would be handing off personal responsibility. 

19:13
Now, this question has a lot of nuance to it and that's where we brought up the meter at the beginning. It's just a knowing, it's just an awareness, like, oh, yeah, okay, I can see where I'm handing off a lot of it. Another level where this is a common one is if you are in a relationship, for example. I'm going to use Brené Brown's example because it's just so perfect she talks about this morning, where I can't even remember all the details, so I'll probably butcher it, but we'll go with it. 

19:45
She was in a rush, I think, because of something with her husband. Something happened where she felt rushed because of an action from her husband. At this point, her husband had left the house, but she was still rushing and she ends up dropping her full mug of coffee and it shatters on the floor and she just yells stay, fuck you Right, or something like that, and blames her husband, who isn't even there. This is like the most, and I find myself doing this with my husband, which is why I bring it in too, of like, where I want to blame him for something and it seems like it's like well, but he's the one who made me rush in there for it be. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have dropped it. This is handing off our personal responsibility, in a nutshell, and we can bring in humor when we see ourselves do it, because we're all going to do it. It's just noticing it. Where are you like? Okay, that was actually. That was. I played a very active role in that. 

20:45
And then the last question for right now is going to be where have your emotions like? Fear, anxiety, doubt, confusion played a role in being a barrier to accomplishing what you want to accomplish in life? Maybe it was specific resolutions you set at the beginning of 2023, or maybe it's just ones that you could hold throughout the year. Where are those things? A barrier, you know, would bring in emotions like shame or self-doubt, or even feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Right, where are emotions the thing that stops you Just being brutally honest with yourself? 

21:40
I'm gonna ask, actually, one more question that I wasn't planning on and that is reflecting on reflection. Are you able to be honest with yourself without it bringing up massive layers of shame or embarrassment or resistance and no matter what, your answer is right, if not amazing? This is a fantastic skill and it's really hard to do that. It's really hard to self-reflect in the way that I'm asking you to self-reflect, because I'm asking you some tough questions here that don't trigger up some of our own personal wound, angst and it's. Can you notice that I'm like, wow, I don't even want to answer this question or be honest because it feels too shameful or it hurts. And, if that is the case, beautiful awareness and recognition, because that is the most important piece. If all you got out of today was I can't answer these questions, it makes me want to put my hands over my ears and say la, la, la, la la. I don't want to go here and you recognize that that's not supportive, but you don't know what to do instead, amazing Like that is so freaking fantastic. You're still listening, obviously right. It means you're willing to look more at this, and that is what is important. If I had. 

23:04
One of the skills that is so that we are not taught is this ability to self-reflect without any shame about it, and so that means to start. We're often going to bring up shame, and the more comfortable we can be with bringing it up or working with it and then dismissing it so it's not there right, the better. Then we get to move forward, because ultimately, if you aren't willing to look at these things and be really honest with yourself, then you're going to end up spending your time in the wrong areas. So I'm going to give a quick example of what I see a lot of is without the self-reflection. People spend years, decades in information gathering, and I need to know more, I need to understand more. I just need to read another book, I just need to listen to another podcast episode, I just need to do this thing, because then it will hold the answer to you know, getting me to my goal or getting rid of my pain or whatever it is, and if they never stop to reflect, to see how much time they have spent on that and then to be really honest about where has it gotten you, then you just repeat the same thing over and over and over again. So the last question is and I think I made a mistake earlier because I said I had the last question, I was not the last question, sorry about that the last question is is how has, as you look over your answers, how has it served you? Has it gotten you the results you want? 

24:47
As you look at how you approached the last year, are you happy with the pace you're moving at in your growth or on your journey? Has it served you? Has it supported you in the way you wanted it to? And if so, then like what do you want to make sure you keep doing? And what was the really supportive element? Like what is the piece where you're like man this year, freaking, nailed it at not wasting time making decisions and I just pulling the trigger? This is something I've been working on a lot and like when I look back, I'm like I have gotten so much better about that. I still have ways to go and I'm like I'm. I am really happy with my progress and I can like point to specific like mindset things and things that are like this is exactly why I was able to do that, and here's how it supported me and I'm going to keep working on this because I'm really happy with the pace it's going at, right, or where's something where you're like I was doing something and I'm really not happy with the results, though they aren't what I expected it to be. It's been really slow and slow and it feels like a slog. Okay, well, what's that about? Right? 

25:54
So it's like getting really clear on what is going to be worth focusing on for next year, because, for the person who spends all their time information gathering, right, if your goal then ends up being something that relates to, I need to learn more information, or you find yourself, you know, looking in that sales page for a course that's promising yet another tool or a book that's going to, you know, reveal the secret of your nervous system and you might want to take a pause. I'd like wait a minute. I've already gathered all this information. It's not going to serve you. Your place to focus might be on actually implementing the tools and the information you have gained? Do you even know how to do that? Because what I can say, for being in this world for a long time and reading all the books and taking all the courses, is a lot of things are really good at giving you information and not so good at telling you on how on earth to follow through with them when you have massive layers of nervous system resistance to them and it feels unsafe to do it Right, that might be then the place that is worth focusing on is okay, how do I actually build the safety in my nervous system to follow through with what I've learned, right? 

27:15
So, as you are looking at your reflection questions, one, I first want to celebrate you doing this and for this episode, this is all we're going to go into. There is going to be another episode that looks at moving forward, but I want to give you some time and I'm going to really suggest you just taking some time to let some of this digest, to carry these questions into the next week, to even observe yourself and your actions from maybe a different place, as you have had some new things in your awareness, to allow some time to just integrate in the answers. You don't have to actively doing something it's just setting the intention of, like, I'm willing to keep this reflection going, wisdom, so I'm gonna invite you to just keep it going in the background and alert me when I need to see something or be aware of something, whether it is like, oh, wow, here's this thing, I'm doing it super beneficial, like, let me do more of it. Or ooh, oh, I see this pattern I am in now, right Now, maybe tomorrow, you're in the middle of a doom scroll and all of a sudden this clicks in of like, oh, I'm abdicating my responsibility. I actually just need to make that doctor's appointment to check out this mole, versus endlessly searching pictures on Google about them and wondering if this is skin cancer or not. Right, or I already know the answer and I can let it go. And it's more about addressing the fear and anxiety about it with pain, for instance, if I already know it's mind, body, so I can just let go of needing to make another practitioner appointment. That's gonna only address the physical. What is it for you? And again, sometimes it's just fully giving permission for your wisdom to show it to you. All, right, I hope this was amazingly helpful. 

29:19
I find this type of reflection to sometimes be a little brutal and so bringing yourself lots of love, lots of compassion, because the fact that you are here still listening shows me that you are someone who is dedicated to growth, who is dedicated to living a life that isn't just dictated by your external circumstances, by even your internal circumstances, and you're willing to play an active role in creating the life you want, no matter how your body is feeling right now. 

29:55
And the cool thing is of what I've seen over and over is that when people can step up and take that active role in their life, while caring for their body, while treating it with respect and finding harmony with it, it no longer needs to scream so loud. 

30:10
Pain dissipates, joy enhances, connection enhances and fulfillment enhances. 

30:18
And this is what we're moving towards in the pain to power program in my work with clients. 

30:23
It is all about living a life that is aligned for you. You get to design it and even often it is stepping back, to have the courage to design it in a way that is right for you and not what anyone else says it should look like. With that again, granting that permission for your wisdom to show you whatever needs to be shown in the next week or so, letting anything integrate that needs to be integrated, and then maybe just shaking it all off, ha ha. Giving yourself a big hug, wrapping your arms around yourself like, thank you, thank you, thank you, reminding yourself that you are human and humans, always, always, always are gonna human, which means we do all sorts of things that is not supportive for ourselves, and so nothing has gone wrong. But you get to choose what to do with this information and how to move forward with it. All right, sending yourself so much love, maybe after this, drinking some water, getting outside, getting some sunlight, going and seeing some holiday lights, and enjoy the rest of your week.