The one necessity for your journey

Welcome, welcome, welcome to episode two of the Unweaving Chronic Pain Podcast. I am so happy for you to join me today. Again, I am Dr Andrea Moore and I will be your guide on your journey. So, of course, just a friendly reminder that anything in this podcast is not a substitute for medical advice or professional treatment. So please always be sure to seek out the care of a qualified professional. So today we're going to dive right in and we will be discussing the single most important thing you need on your journey. 

If you're listening to this, you already tried so many things for your pain. If there was a quick fix for it, chances are you probably would have found it by now. So in searching for months and years for solutions, things can get exhausting, exhausting, frustrating and start to feel a little hopeless. And if you're feeling that I'm just sending out so much compassion and love to you right now, it is not easy to feel stuck. It's not easy to feel in this place where you feel like there's no hope. But I am here to tell you there is hope, which is exactly what we're going to be discussing today how to get that feeling back. What we will be going over today is one of the single most effective tools for increasing motivation, which, let's face, it can be incredibly challenging when you're in pain. Having motivation to like do some of the exercises that you might need to do, or do some of the things you need to do, is really hard when you hurt. So, again, just so much compassion around this piece, and this is why it's so important to have a motivating factor. And, in addition, when you connect with these, you'll find more meaning and direction in your life and on your chronic pain journey. And again, since we aren't talking about quick fixes here, since we're in this for the long haul, because that's what it truly takes to unweave chronic pain, we may as well make this journey a little more enjoyable. Right, and the also super cool thing about these things is they can even provide some analgesic effects. We'll be covering that in a second. They're also free. They can be accessed at any time. 

Have you guessed what I'm talking about yet? If you did, if you listened to my last episode, you might already know we're going to be talking about your values. So what are values? Let's talk about that first. 

One of my favorite definitions is values are our heart's deepest desires and yearnings for the way we want to interact with and relate to people, the world and ourselves. Values can often sound like spending time with family, freedom, independence, adventure, fun, community, beauty, creativity. Those are just a few words. You can also find value areas of your life such as physical well-being, career, relationship, self-development, spirituality, parenting, etc. And so under any of these value areas that really stand out to you. So let's say, if you're listening to this, physical well-being might be one that you really connect with, since that often has to do with chronic pain. If you're connecting with that, we want to really further identify what about these areas? Is it that you value the most? So, again, let's take physical well-being as an example. 

It's so common that people say I value my health, which I mean sounds nice, right, but why, truly? Why do you care about being healthy? Why do you care about your physical well-being? Oftentimes, there's an underlying reason to it. It might be because being feeling really good in your body allows you to like cultivate better relationships. It might be because you can then pick up your grandkids and play with it, and it's actually that you value the play with your grandkids, right. So it's like what about feeling good in your body is really what you care about. So you always want to get to that deeper level. Because when we're trying to connect with an arbitrary thing of like health, at the end of the day most people don't really want. She was really healthy on the gravestone, right. That's really not the thing they care about. Something deeper it's what their health allows them to do, what their physical well-being allows them to do. That they care about, and there are going to be some values that don't tie to physical well-being at all. Right, creativity if you look at some of the most creative people in history, some of their health they didn't have good health and they were still able to live out their values. So again, it's so important to find these different value areas and then really get clear of what about those things is so important. 

Now, I highly recommend just Googling values. There are so many lists of value words. Some of them are just you know, they'll have like 20 words, some at 50, some are very overwhelming and have hundreds of words. So, just you know, find a list that resonates with you and you can look through them and find those words that really call out to you. Now, just to clarify values are different than goals. Goals are something that can be checked off of a list. They have a definite, clear endpoint. Values, on the other hand, are more like a compass. So, for example, you might be headed north walking in line with that value. You're always walking north, but it's not like you ever complete that journey. You never, you know, even if you hit the north pole, you keep going north. The compass doesn't just stop there, right? So you might check off goals along the way, like climb that mountain, cross that stream, but heading north is indefinite. It's just about staying on that path and choosing things that keep you on that path. 

As a culture, we are obsessed with goals, and values, which really should be the driver, for any goal you're making often get completely brushed over. If a goal is being created that doesn't align with a value, it's pretty much destined for failure and probably one of the biggest reasons that people aren't achieving goals that they make, because either the goal doesn't even resonate them when they don't actually care about that goal, or they haven't connected with the value. So it's hard for them to achieve and have the motivation to that goal. But we're not going to focus on goals today. That is a whole nother podcast topic. So let's stick with values. Why are they so important? Like I mentioned, they provide meaning and purpose. 

When we are living our values, our physiology actually changes. We have the benefit of dopamine and endorphins, or feel good neurotransmitters. These things are released when we do things that align with our values. Sometimes people see values and they think that it's all you know, woo, woo and oh, that doesn't matter, that's not science. But it's like no, no, no. Living your values changes your physiology for your benefit. They can even provide analgesic effects because of this, and this is how strong it is, and I just want to drive home like the neuroscience behind living our values here is is. This example is one of the most common times you'll see this as athletes, you've ever wondered how they can run on a spring ankle like complete that touchdown after they've just I don't know pulled a hammy or something, or complete their gymnastics routine after an injury. It's because their values are so strongly aligned in that moment that the neurotransmitter and hormone release can actually completely override signals that would other rise, result in a ton of pain and their body stopping them. That's how powerful values are. Now, more importantly for you, values are providing motivation and drive. 

Again, it can be so challenging to move forward and take difficult action steps when chronic pain is involved, and I just again want to hold so much compassion and space for this because it is so hard. This is why we need values, and when we know we're doing it for one heck of a good reason, all of a sudden pain can become more manageable. We can take an action, even with pain. When we are able to live a life that is focused on aligning with our values, rather than live a life that is all focused on trying to get rid of our pain, we actually calm our nervous system, which actually leads to a reduction in some of the sensitivity that is contributing to our pain in the first place. Now, if you're like, what are you talking about? That is going to be another episode, so wait for the episode on the pain neuroscience piece to understand how a increased sensitivity of our nervous system is always contributing to chronic pain. Okay, so all you need to know now is living a life that's in line with your values can actually calm that sensitivity that is required for unweaving pain. So we are also more likely to take action or do some things outside of our comfort zone that may result in improving strength, flexibility or movement patterns and, most importantly, you make the journey more fun. Like I said, this is if you're in this journey, you're in it for the long haul. 

The harsh reality and kind of irony is when our focus is so solely on a goal of getting rid of pain. That goal becomes impossible. Living a life aligned with our values is so, so deeply woven in as part of the path to pain relief. Life does not begin when the pain is gone. Life begins now. You can live life according to your values now. They might be baby steps, but you can do that now, even with pain, and because that will help again unweave the pain too. But that's not even the main goal of living life with our values. 

So right now I want you to reflect. If I could wave a magic wand and you could wake up tomorrow without pain even being a thought in your mind, what would you do differently? What would your day look like instead? What are you most passionate about? What do you wish you could do in another lifetime? And I use that example of another lifetime because sometimes our values and our desires can feel so out of touch for this current reality that it might help to look at it as like okay, if I had a whole other life to start over, what would I do differently? What would I do with that life? And oftentimes those are where our values and desires live. So earlier in the episode we discussed different value areas and words. 

So can you begin to notice and define which values most resonate with you and how your ideal day might fit these values? So maybe you're like I just want to be able to get up and take my time and enjoy a cup of coffee and look out of my window or sit on my back porch and just look at the trees. And again, let's say you're like when I live in an apartment and I can't even see trees, this is an ideal scenario. So you can make up whatever you want. This is your fantasy, okay? So you might kind of be like what is there that I'm valuing there? And it's like, hmm, I value the calm, I value the beauty in nature, I value having that time to myself. So again, what is it in your ideal day scenario that you're really valuing? What is it about that makes those moments special? What makes those things special that you want to do? 

Now let's say you've written down that you value communication and deepening your relationships, especially with, say, a spouse. If someone said, hey, you need to go, be super vulnerable, put your heart on the line and just see what happens with your husband right now, and gave you really zero reason, zero explanation, no further guidance, you'd probably be like heart pass, like not up for that, right. But now that you've defined that value of that deepening or your relationships, maybe you start to read up on things and you discover that vulnerability can actually deepen a relationship. All of a sudden you might be willing to learn more and take more action, right? Or maybe you've had that experience of going to a physical therapist or a personal trainer or something where they give you an exercise that hurts and they're like you just need to do this and they don't give you any freaking explanation of why and you're like what the hell, man, this just hurts and you probably have stopped going. 

I can't tell you how many people I've talked to that have gone to physical therapy or personal training or chiropractic, whatever, have received an intervention that is painful and so they stop going because they don't understand why they're doing it. Let's get clear Sometimes they should be doing it, but different story, okay, there are times where some exercises or treatments might be a little painful. But what if they explained exactly what you're feeling? They're like hey, I know right now you're probably feeling this pain here, but because you're feeling that that actually means it's going to help this and this and it actually is going to help you with that one value you have of going and playing with your grandkids, all of a sudden it becomes a little different. Right, you're like, okay, I think I can manage this. Right, I think I can do this. And you feel that calming in your nervous system. It's a completely different sensation of pain. The pain is still there and all of a sudden just becomes a little bit more like okay, I can be with this, because you understand the reason why, the value behind it. Again, these same exercise in the you know, any other context might be absolutely undoable because the pain is just too high, because your system is just like what are you doing? I don't understand this, and rightly so. So again, defining the values and understanding why what you're doing, how it connects to those, is crucial on your chronic pain journey. Again, just emphasizing that piece that they're really providing that motivation and alignment to get through the hard and uncomfortable times, because they are going to be some. 

But let's go on the flip side too. Sometimes they're just plain fun, right? Maybe you've been missing out on spending time in nature because it hurts to go for a walk, but maybe there is some amount of pain that is worth visiting your favorite garden or tree that brings you so much joy and grounding and calm and peace. Or maybe the car ride to your favorite restaurant was just totally worth the pain of getting there because you got to indulge in your favorite meal and see your favorite people. And we'll just pretend the pandemic might not be an impact there, okay, right? So sometimes there's things that we do that you and I'm sure there's times you can look back on where you did experience pain, either during an event or as an aftermath, and it felt worth it. Just think on that for a minute. Are there times that you had pain while doing something or after the fact and you were like I'm in pain, this hurts, this sucks, and it was totally worth it? I would do that again, right? Sometimes the joy, pleasure and fun we experience are absolutely worth some pain and, again, oftentimes it can actually help on our journeys. 

So really take some time to connect in and maybe even ask what would be worth doing, even if there was some pain but you knew you had the tools needed to manage it. Let's throw that into make that question a little easier. If that feels hard to answer right now, anything that feels worth it is likely connected to a value of yours. Now, if you're like many of the women I speak to, these questions can be really challenging to answer. They might light you up in your system. They might feel like you wanna push back at me. So if you're feeling that, I really wanna honor that and I also really wanna honor. If you're like, hell, yes, I got a whole list of values at now and I'm already seeing this. Awesome. Either way, both are so welcome here. Okay, so I highly recommend journaling or just free writing Any resistances, all of the thoughts, the unknowns, if you're feeling triggered, any of that and get super curious about what comes up. And no again, no matter what comes up in response to these questions, whether it's your values that come spilling out or difficult emotions and tears it is all so welcome and so valid in this space. It is all a part of your journey. If you're still struggling, know that this is something that can be really helpful to work through with guidance, so please do not hesitate to reach out for support. 

Now, the last piece I want to touch on is that this exercise is not about perfection or getting it right. Your values are yours alone and may look very different from someone else's, but you might even look different than what you yourself thought it would look like. So notice, if you're finding yourself doubting or judging a value because you think you should have different ones, if you're like, wait a minute, that is really what resonates with me. I thought I should be resonating more with this. Or let's say you're a mom and you're like oh man, family is kind of at the low list of my values, just notice if you're judging that you're allowed to have whatever values you want, in whatever order you want. 

If it helps to know no one ever needs to see these, you can write them down and then burn it or put it on a password protected file on your computer. And just because you write them down right now, it also doesn't mean they can't shift or change over time, especially if you're having trouble. Especially if you're having trouble being like oh, which is right, which one resonates. Just pick some, Try them on, have some fun with this, try to go of the need to get this right or ensure that you're picking the ones that are truly your values. You can always revisit this exercise in a few days, weeks, years, and guess what? No one will care if you change them. This is all you. You have full permission to do whatever you want with this exercise. So pull out a journal, start writing down some values, some value areas, and playing around with this. 

You might want to go back and listen to the questions that I asked at the beginning. I highly, highly, highly cannot emphasize this point enough. Don't skip or half-ass this step. I know you're probably listening to this in your car or while you're doing something else, and that's totally fine, of course and set aside some time this week to do this exercise, to really sit down and get in touch with your values. These are going to be your fallback. It's going to be the motivation you need on the hard days to remind you why you're willing to do harder, uncomfortable things, why you're willing to put in the work of healing and oftentimes we need constant reminders of our values, so these can be ones that they're feeling really really good. 

After you do this, when you look at your list, it should feel good. There might be an element of overwhelm or even some grief of, ah, my fear of life is far from them right now, but they should kind of hit you deep and feel that these feel right. So when you have those, you can post them up around your house too. Maybe you have a notification that pops up on your phone that reminds you, or something on your bedside table that you really resonate with, that connects you to why you wake up in the morning. All of these things can be really helpful, and we often need constant reminders to of what our values are. Our brain has a negativity bias Again, we'll talk about that in a different episode but it always is. Oftentimes it's looking for the negative. It doesn't remember to look for the positive, so we need to help it out and remind it, and that's totally normal and okay here. 

Now, if you're still feeling really stuck or you're feeling really resistant to doing this by yourself, then sign up for a free pain strategy session. The link is in the show notes. It's also on my website. Just write out in the notes that you listened to this episode and that you want to use that time to help get you unstuck and then together we can after we get you unstuck, we can brainstorm the next best steps on your pain journey. So please take take advantage of this opportunity to sign up and hash it out with me. I will help you through. 

I love talking about this with people, so I'm excited to to hear you and where you're stuck and dig into that. So again, thank you so much for listening today. I hope that was really helpful in figuring out you know how to start defining your values. So, again, just really inviting you to write this all down and to start journaling on this and set aside some time for yourself to do this exercise. And you can always find me on Instagram at Dr Andrea Moore, d-r-a-n-d-r-e-a-m-o-o-r-e Again, link will be in the show notes or at Dr Andrea Moorecom. Yeah, thank you so much for listening and I will see you next week. Bye-bye. 

Transcribed by https://podium.page