How the POWER response can alleviate pain

What if shifting your response to pain could alleviate pain itself? In this episode, i'm going to contrast two different responses to pain and show how one can actually lead to increased pain, while the other can alleviate pain. If you implement what you hear today, you can completely transform your life, starting right now. Welcome, welcome, welcome to episode 70 of the Unweaving Chronic Pain Podcast. I am your host, dr Andrea Moore, the Pain to Possibility Coach, and I am on a mission to help those suffering in chronic pain. If your life is shrinking due to pain, i am here to help you expand your life back out again, to get back to living life on your terms. If you know of anybody else who could benefit from this, please give this podcast a share, give us a rating on iTunes. This is how other people can help find us. And before we get into today's episode, i want to make sure you know to get on the wait list for the upcoming workshop. I don't have the dates nailed down by the airing of this episode, but they'll be up soon And I want to make sure you don't miss out, because this is going to be a live, interactive, multiple day workshop where I'm going to be walking you through my whole self integration method. Step by step, i'm going to show you exactly how to move from pain, from a life that is shrinking, to one that life feels expansive, it feels like experiences and opportunities are finally available to you again, where it feels like you can move through the world with so much more ease and shed the fear, anxiety and limitations of pain. And did I mention it is free, so make sure you get signed up so you do not miss out. 

Now getting into today's episode Hello, hello y'all. The air quality here is atrocious And I'm really slow at realizing these things. I drove my child to camp this morning and it was like you couldn't really see the sun because it was so wild, fiery, smoky outside. But I was like, oh, it's a foggy day. And I'm like just now realizing it, like three and a half hours later, because I see the alert on my phone that the air quality is like spending time for even a few minutes outside is incredibly dangerous to your health, that I'm like huh, why do I have a headache right now? Like, why do I feel like kind of off? And it's like, oh, probably because of that. I use this to say what if it really just could be that simple of like oh, it makes sense that I'm feeling a little like shitty right now. I mean, it's shitty is too far. It's just like headache, it's just like a little like clogged up, almost. Yeah, okay, no wonder The air quality is crappy and there's nothing I can do about it, nothing. And I think there's something so beautiful and supportive about just letting go of something we don't have control over. It doesn't mean we're dumb about it, doesn't mean like we ignore that, it's like real. There's no point in stressing about this, and so I'm not going to. And it actually goes really well with what we're going to talk about today. I want to talk about different responses we can have to our pain, to emotions, to fears, anxieties, to thoughts, to even news reports like this, or just realizing oh wow, the air quality is at like 180. We can either have a shrink response or a power response. 

So first off, tell me if this sounds familiar. You've already had a busy week. It's only Wednesday, though, but you're really looking forward to dinner with friends on Friday night. You still know you have to get through a whole long to do list at work or maybe in life. Whatever it is that you're up to, you're making it through, but then all of a sudden you feel this all too familiar pain flare upset in. You thought you were having a good pain week and by him the pain grabs you. So you start spiraling, your mind jumps to the worst case scenario And you know you're going to have to cancel dinner. And you just spiral about how crappy it is because you never get to go and do anything, because your pain ruins everything. And your harsh inner critic sets in. Because I knew I was doing too much. Why didn't I rest more? What is wrong with you? Right? Why didn't I notice the signs? Why did you schedule so much? 

And then your typical response to your pain or emotion or belief or thought sets in, whether it is yeah, of course this is happening to me, this always happens. Or maybe it's the exact opposite of like this can't be happening. Why me? Or maybe it's like you know what. I'm just gonna push on through, i'm gonna ignore it, i'm gonna pretend I never even felt that and I'm plowing on through. Or maybe it's like a gotta throw all the tools I have at it, gotta go roll out or do this meditation, or do these exercises, whatever, like do all the things to get rid of it as fast as possible before it gets worse. Right, you feel totally hijacked in whichever response you tend to have. Now your to-do list is looming over your head and the stress of not getting it done sets in deeper Your desires of getting to finally go out and have fun and just live life without needing to worry about pain get neglected yet again, get canceled yet again, and you're now kept in the vicious cycle of pain. 

First off, take a breath. If that resonates I know it resonated for me for so long This right here, if you're like me and like where my client started from, this is where you are right now. This is the shrink response, and we're going to review it in more detail so we can get to know it, because the better we can understand and see where we are, the better we can move out of it and into the power response which is now what myself and my clients have been using to not only alleviate pain, but also to step into their personal power and walk through the world, feeling confident with how we are showing up and having a deep knowing of and loving who we are And, most importantly, more time and energy to do what we love, whether that's hiking, running around with the kiddos, diving into entrepreneurship or finally taking that pottery class that you're eyeing right. This is about what. Getting back to what you love, everyone is going to be different. I love getting to hear the different things that people are lit up by. It's just, it's so yummy. 

But those things aren't accessible or possible when we are in shrink, because when we respond with shrink, it's going to do exactly that Shrink our lives down. Sometimes it's really slow and sneaky And it's in this way that you don't even notice at first, until you stop and look around and realize like it's, like something wakes you up all of a sudden. You're like, oh my gosh, i have been living as a shell of myself. You know you were meant for more than just managing your pain and settling and getting by, and this can be a really painful realization to notice where you've been living in a shrink response that has shrunken down your life. But here's the really fucking awesome news As painful as it can be, to acknowledge, by looking at it and meeting yourself, exactly where you are, this is the essential step in being able to accelerate yourself out of it If you're nowhere near where you envision you'd be at this stage in your life, then this is your chance to take the good, hard look that'll accelerate you out of it, because we cannot shift if we cannot see where we are. 

I think so often we try to like leap too fast out of something without fully understanding where we are, and I think this does a disservice. Now, if you're able to then do it. But here's the thing if you're listening to this, chances are that didn't work. Okay, don't make something more complicated than it needs to be. Also, when you try to jump too far ahead or too far out without addressing and like really understanding where you are and being able to see it, it just we just get stuck in it again. What we're going to do is go through what the shrink response is, because hint, it's an acronym And we're going to go through each letter because when you can fully see it and notice when it's happening, that is how you can shift out of it, accelerate out of it, because the faster you catch yourself in it, then the faster you get to move out of it. 

So first is S, that is the spiraling. That is when we go into those thought spirals like what I started with This immediate jumping into okay, now, dinner is ruined. What is life? This is the worst thing that could have happened. Now I'm not going to get anything done Right. It's like jumping into this future thinking and this really downward spiral at that. It's thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. We are all in our head of this and it is like shitty belief and shitty thought after shitty thought after shitty thought that just amplifies each one. We all know when we've been here, and here's the thing is that when we are in it, oh my gosh, these thoughts feel so true and so justifiable. Because here's the thing is I know you are freaking smart and intelligent and analytical if you listen to this podcast and resonate with it, and so that means we are really, really good at having spiraling thoughts that are super convincing to ourselves of like they must be true. So one. I just want to acknowledge that, and chances are that means you've been really, really good at staying in the spiral, because it's like, obviously this is what it must be. 

These thought spirals, there is no shame or judgment for having them at all. We all have them, but they will never, ever lead to anything that is supportive of living a true, authentic life, other than there's one exception. There is one place where they are really fucking beneficial, and that is when you notice you're in a thought spiral. It is an opportunity to shift out of it because it is exposing something, a belief or whatnot that is really good at sucking you away from living a life that feels good, because the only only benefit they have there is never, ever, any benefit or support in spiraling in it. Think back I'm sure you have a lot of data points At least I know how to have a shit ton of data points for myself that no, like no thought spiral has ever been like that led to this amazing breakthrough. If it did, it was from realizing it and then doing something else, which is what we're talking about here. That's, that's what we want. But the thought spiral itself just is really good at making you feel worse and worse about yourself and has absolutely nothing productive ever come out of it. And I really want to just like lean into, not to like press into, like the wound here that not only is it not supportive, it's actually really harmful. It only serves to further amplify the hypervigilance in your nervous system and actually increase the threat response and often will just lead to more pain. This is why it's so crucial to be able to recognize we're in it without any judgment. It's just noticing that we're in it, because that gives us the opportunity to shift it. That is the S. 

The next one is the H harsh inner critic. And this ties into even what I was just talking about of being able to notice without judgment that you are in the spiral, because so often what happened is we have this harsh inner critic that comes on that just then judges us for being there And guess what You get to just notice the judgment. I'm like, oh, look at that, now I'm judging myself. That's kind of funny, isn't it? You all right, we don't have to stay in it, but we're going to talk about that in a second. I'm jumping ahead of myself right now. So this is just noticing, right? So this is the noticing, the shrink response. So first we have a spiraling and then we have the harsh inner critic, which then beats ourselves up for where we are. So that's the like why didn't you catch this? Why didn't you rest more? You should have known better. You did too many things. Oh, my goodness, how dare you eat a food that tasted delicious because now you're suffering, right, you didn't drink enough water or whatever, whatever, whatever it is. And he should write. This is all this harsh inner critic. 

Think of the voices that you like. What voices that are in your head. What are you telling yourself when you feel pain, or when you feel a certain emotion or think of a certain thought Like what are the voices that come up in response, and would you ever say them to? if you have a kid? to your kids? Would you ever want anyone saying it to a kid? Would you want anyone saying it to you? Would you ever say it to your best friend? It's just noticing like, damn, i mean to myself, at least not in OI, am or was? It's much better now. All right, so that's the H, the harsh inner critic that comes on. 

Then the next one, the R, is actually three Rs. It could be the shrink response, but I didn't think of that until just now. Maybe I should start saying that All right, i gotta have fun with this, right? So, yeah, three Rs. And this is the response to pain. You guys, do you ever come up with stuff and then realize, wow, like I totally just missed the mark of the R? could have just been response to pain And then there's three different Rs. That are the responses. I didn't realize that. So, anyways, we got three different responses we could have, which all happened to be Rs. Just really having fun with Rs today. 

I have taught this many times and that never occurred to me until just now. Here we are All right, resistance, resigned to and running from pain. Those are your three possible responses, and let's go through the three Rs, because these are the ones. The reason I picked these three are because these are the ones that I see, i mean in 99.9% of the people I work with. So this is resistance to it, right? So number one is resistance of like you feel the pain and then it's like no, this can't be here. Number two is the resigned to it of like yep, i guess it's here again. This is really victim mode. Often It is like this victim mindset And I say that with zero judgment, by the way of like yep, this is my life. Of course, it's happening to me And we resigned to it, which means we let pain walk all over us, like we let pain take over when we resigned to pain. 

There's nothing empowering about resigning to our pain, of being like yep, i guess this is the way the life is, versus a different response, which we'll talk about later, and then running from the pain. This is like how do I get away from it? How do I get rid of it as fast as possible? This is like the throwing all the tools at it and like needing it to be gone, whereas the resistance to it is like very much the like either I'm going to ignore it and push through it, but it's also this like you almost don't do the tools because you don't want to admit it's there And it's such a I can feel like such a paradox in the system, because it's like you're very aware of your pain there, but it's like a unwillingness to look at it or to do anything to help it because there's so much resistance to the fact that it's there. 

This is like a really tricky one And this is my like one of my favorite ones to work with because it's, oh my God, when you learn how to work with the resistance, it's like fucking life changing and like really quickly noticing which is your go to, because when you can notice you are in it. That is what gives you the opportunity to shift it. All right, so that's your R, the I inhibited by pain. So now this is the like pain is stopping me, pain is hijacking me, pain is making it so I cannot do anything. It is like this very much, feeling constrained and trapped by and again, very like victimized by pain, because it can be, it can take over. You know this, i know this. Pain is freaking powerful, it really can take over and just inhibit us and stop us. So just noticing like where it stops us in our tracks and where we feel life is stopped because of pain, and then the end is neglected desires, feels like really close to the inhibition. 

But there is a really subtle, important difference And there's a reason I there's. They're separated out because often, right, there's a different. First we're like inhibited and hijacked by pain, but then it's like we take the next step and this is where we neglect things that we love, things that we want to do, things that we could do to support our bodies, things that feel desirable, pleasurable, that could bring us connection and love and joy. We neglect to bring those in. Like going out to dinner, right, it's like an immediate of like canceling plans I can't because of pain, so I'm going to cancel my plans which is inhibiting your desires, it's neglecting your desires, it's neglecting the things your body wants to do. 

Now there's a time and place where pain may be like you may literally not be able to do something that that can be really valid. But there's a difference in energy here, can you feel in the shrink response. This is a very like jumping to conclusions or really making it like nothing is accessible to me. All right. So this is where and again, the shrink response I want to say too can be on a very micro level in this scenario, you know, i said it's like it's a Wednesday and the dinner's on a Friday, right? or this can be a macro level of wow, where have I stopped doing things I loved all together and been kind of unwilling or not able to find something else that I could do that feels desirable, just because pain is in the picture? Where have I not allowed myself to feel into desire and love and connection in different ways because of pain? And then the last one K. This is that this is just the culmination of it that you are then kept in the vicious cycle of pain We talked about. 

The spiraling shrink response is a spiral in itself. It is a downward spiral because can you see how, if you go through each of these letters, it is going to keep you in the vicious cycle, and physiologically as well as emotionally. Because physiologically, when we stay in fear and resistance and running from and and all that stuff, it wouldn't be spiral and we have a harsh inner critic. All of that just ramps up our nervous system, sensitivity, which is the very thing that creates pain or amplifies pain. So even again and I want to say I always like to bring this back even in the case of an injury like you just stabbed a knife in your thigh I don't know why, that's always my example you can have a shrink response or a power response to it. It doesn't mean you don't attend to the wound, it doesn't mean there's not going to be some pain. The shrink response makes the pain worse. And not only does it make the pain worse, it actually cuts off your body's ability to heal because it keeps you in this fight or flight response which shuts off your immune system and shuts off a whole lot of healing processes that we need to be in the Paris empathetic state to access. 

This is always true. There's always a choice between these two response and what will you know, go through the power response in a second here, of this other choice, and I and I really want to harp on this because I think so often we can feel like our situation is so unique and it might be like, i mean, your situation might be really fucking unique, but what doesn't change is the underlying principle of you get to choose one of these responses, and that's always true. No matter what is happening, no matter what diagnosis you have, no matter what is going on in your life. You get to choose one of these responses and one of them will lead to shrinking your life and the other is going to lead to this power response being able to step into your personal power, step into a place that feels empowered. And again, we'll talk about in a second. 

I keep getting ahead of myself, but being able to recognize when you are in shrink is vital to changing it. And this is again I'm harping on this because we often don't want to look at what is painful. We don't want to admit we were in this response because that feels hard, that feels scary to do, that feels shitty to do and I, god, do I get that, but it is by looking at it that is gonna allow you to take yourself out of it. But what does that even look like, sometimes, when we have been in a shrink response? or that is our default, which, by the way, often this is the default. This is what our brain and nervous system tend to default to. So just please know that you are not alone in this and nothing is wrong with you. This is just how the brain and the nervous system work, and especially work if you have been in chronic pain. But there is a way out of it with intention. So what could that look like? All right. So same scenario We're not taking pain out of it. 

It's not like the pain magically just didn't happen on this, because that is, being blunt, a naive way to look at things. We're gonna have pain in life, we're gonna have shit come up. It's how we react to it that makes all the difference in the world. How we react to a pain can literally dictate whether or not that thing turns chronic or not. So same scenario it's a Wednesday, you're having a good day and the pain flare upsets. 

In This time, however, you notice those old pathways wanting to set it in, that shrink response wanting to happen. Maybe you catch the spiraling or the harsh inner critic. But despite the tough week you've had, you instead shift to a completely different response, and what unfolds is the power response. You pause, you take time to open to what is happening, to fully assess the situation with wonderment, curiosity and compassion. You tune into the wisdom of your true self to guide you through this moment, with full trust and wonderment about what your body is either holding onto or needing to express, or in need that it has. You feel empowered as you're able to fully step into your personal power and gain the sense of freedom and spaciousness and relief, as you're able to tune into what your body's trying to communicate, rather than letting the pain shrink and take over. 

And because of this, because you have tuned into your body and the communication that it's providing, you're able to take the best next step and give your body either what it needs, or release something, whatever it is, or provide it with something. And this allows you to step into the resilient adaptability where you are able to stay deeply in touch with your values, desires and goals, while also being adaptable to move with the ebbs and flows of our bodies and life. You're able to stay in the present moment versus jumping ahead to what it is going to mean or hooking onto some story, and as you move through this power process since you're able to respond to any needs your body may have, from this place of respect and compassion for your body, from a place that feels grounded and intentional, you're left feeling proud, grounded, present, resilient, and this is such an amazing place to be at with yourself and your body. This actually can bring your nervous system back into regulation and leave you feeling at peace. Often, when this happens, the pain dissipates and you're ready to continue on your day in whatever way feels like the next right step. This might sound kind of dreamy, right, while I'm here to tell you it is possible. I'm living proof, and so are my hundreds of clients that I've worked with that can also attest to it. 

Now I really want to just touch into where perfection is and will often just come in and make you be like ugh, this isn't how I am. And now I'm gonna put all this shame and judgment. And can you see where this is? the shrink response in itself, the spiraling, the harsh inner critic, this resistance. It inhibits us, causes us to neglect our desires and it keeps us stuck in the cycle, right. So notice your response to this, or notice when you're like beating yourself up for not having this or feeling like it feels like too much to all of a sudden do this One. You're not gonna just magically step into this tomorrow. I mean, maybe you could. We never know the timeline of something that could happen. Allow it to surprise you. But this isn't about being perfect or doing it 100% of the time. I mean shit. Some days it takes me a lot longer to realize I'm in the shrink response. But whereas before I could be in the shrink like I feel like I was in a chronic shrink response for years of my life, right Over time it went down to months and then weeks and days, and now it's often just hours. I mean, more often than not it's minutes, but you know, sometimes it's hours or days, but I catch it now And then I'm able to shift out of it. 

This isn't about perfection or about not ever having the shrink response. Is just about noticing it and then making a conscious choice and intention to move out of it, because it's a win-win for you and for everyone around you. So let's talk a little bit more about what the power response is. So first it's the pause. We have to have this pause in order to take the next step. So often we move through life in this go, go, go reactive state And first it's the pause, then that allows us to do the O, the open to what is happening. Can you see where this even is? In the midst of a shrink response, we can pause and then open to oh, i'm in a shrink response, it's not an either, or this isn't black or white, it's not like. Either it's this or this, it's like no, you can shrink and then we can open to ah, i see what is happening in my system right now, and then we can look at it with this wonderment and allow our wisdom to guide us. So that's the W, it's a double W. 

When you tune into the wisdom of your body, that's where you could really start to gather amazing information And within my programs, i show you in so much more depth to do this, i have an aware tool and evolve tool that helps you actually connect in with your body and gather the wisdom and how to strengthen the connection with your authentic wisdom and all kinds of good stuff, because often there are many layers and barriers and resistance to doing this, and that is all stuff that we cover and go in depth and you get so much support with when we're working with me on a one to one basis or within my program. So if you're like I don't even know how to access my wisdom, then let's touch base because I can help you with that. But also, what you can start doing is look at things with wonderment of like wow, this is amazing and fascinating that my body is responding this way. Isn't it kind of fascinating how this twinge of pain can lead to this whole cascade of responses? Like it's kind of fucking amazing when you think about it, like it is awe, inspiring, it is wonder inspiring that our bodies react in the ways they do And we can just see it. For, see it that way, it allows us to just shift our perspective and allows us to then go into the E where we can then become empowered from this empowered place. 

Again, within my program I have so many more tools that help you with aligned action and my whole self integration method really shows you how to really take this empowered, value driven, desired driven, aligned action. But you get to then be empowered of your, of your situation. You no longer feel like a victim to it. You're no longer stuck in that like what is me At least, i know that's where I would go all the time, like why is this happening to me? state. 

You get to feel empowered and in control, like life is happening for us, not to us, and then from there that leads to this amazing place of this resilience, this feeling of adaptability, not this rigid control, where it's like if one thing interrupts or goes differently than I was expecting to, it derails me. That place often is feels almost like an ideal place to be, where we feel like we're completely in control of everything and then we can anticipate everything and know exactly what's going to happen, and then we know exactly what to do. Right, it's like sometimes we aspire to be rigid and controlling, but the problem is is that we can never fucking control everything. And what if, in fact, your pain is actually the very gift that allows you to get a whole lot more flexible and adaptable, never letting go of your desires and values, by the way, that's not what we're talking about, but it's more. When you can move with the ebbs and flows of life, you're actually so much stronger and more impactful. 

I remember reading how skyscrapers are built to sway in the wind. They're actually not built to be completely rigid, because if they were, they would be more likely to fall down. This goes for trees as well, right, when the wind is blowing Oh my gosh, we have had crazy winds over the last few months here And it is so friggin cool to see the how much the branches sway, like, you see this big, massive, strong tree and you can see it just swaying in the wind, and that is what makes it strong and resilient and adaptable and able to keep going, whereas if you have a tree that is just like stick, straight and super rigid, that's actually the tree that's most likely to get blown down. It doesn't have the ability to flex, right. So, when we can take this on for ourselves, this allows us to feel empowered in our life to then take action based on our values and desires, to know that, yes, sure, shit's going to happen in life, pain's going to happen, but to know that that never has to pull you from what you know deepest down, to be true to knowing yourself, to deepening into yourself and for, like, staying on course, even if you're getting swayed temporarily off of it, right, it allows you to come back onto the course that you know is right for you, or discover that course in the first place which is a big part of my program as well, by the way, because again, I don't know how you are, but for me, feeling really solid in like, where you know my purpose and what I was meant to do in this world, took a whole lot of this type of work because that brought up all sorts of stuff. But that is all things that you learn how to be with and discover, because it is so essential to healing pain and being able to step into your true self and your personal power. Because if you don't know who you are, that's okay, most of us don't but you get to discover that and that often takes looking at a lot of the hard stuff. But also, if we don't know who we are, our nervous system can feel very unsettled and hypervigilant and kind of in this threat mode, whereas that, when we know ourselves, when we just know what is true and right for us, that actually is one of the most amazing things to regulate our nervous system. And that's why so much of my program is about helping people find that deeper meaning and truth and values, because when they can touch into that and feel strong in that and feel like grounded in that whole system relaxes. It's amazing to see pain. That is when pain just like melts away. So I hope this episode is something you can take with you into life. 

Don't just listen to this, apply it. Notice when you're in the shrink response and how can you just make one shift into the power of response. Just one tiny shift can completely change the trajectory of your life. And if you feel like this is something you really need support with, yes, hell yes, for acknowledging that this work is never meant to be done by yourself. There's no reason you should know how to do this because this shit is not taught in schools. 

I was not in the schools I went to and I went to a lot of schooling. I had my doctorate, who was not taught math, that's for sure. Know that. You know this is a skill to be learned. It's not really something that ever was nurtured in our culture. I do. I like to believe that when you grow up in a culture where it's nurtured, it feels like it's a second nature. But I don't think humans are born with a skill. I think it is one that has to be nurtured and taught, and we do not live in a society where this is nurtured or taught. In fact, not only is it not nurtured nor taught, it is actively beaten out of us, either emotionally or in shit physically in some cases. And again, not only is it not taught, we actually are taught to do the opposite, to give away our power and to not trust ourselves. That's a whole another podcast episode right there. 

So, but if you are looking for support with this, i have awesome news, because I'm going to be putting on a workshop that takes you through the whole self integration method, the four step process, and walks you through the steps, and this is going to be a live, interactive, multiple day thing, because this is not something that can be taught in just one workshop, and there's going to be a Facebook group and tons and tons of support that goes along with this questions, coaching, all that good stuff And I want to make sure that you do not miss out on this opportunity. 

I don't have the dates nailed down completely yet, but you can sign up for the waitlist So that way, you can make sure that you do not miss the chance to get in on this and get individualized, customized support, and I am so excited to see you there and to be co-creating this with you. And if you know anyone else who could benefit from that, please feel free to share this episode or share the waitlist sign up link just directly with them, so that way they can make sure that you're getting all the notifications for that. All right, as always. Thank you so so much for listening. I cannot even begin to tell you how much it means that you tune into me and take time out of your day to listen to this. So much love, and I will talk to you next time. 

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