Embrace THIS Concept to Catalyze Growth & Healing

00:00 - Speaker 1
If there was only one concept I could teach, what you're about to hear today, would be it Because it is game changing on so many levels, and its absence will leave you feeling stuck or like you're walking along your healing journey on a narrow, tight rope that you might fall at any time. Or maybe you do often fall and are constantly feeling like you're having to scramble to get back up again. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Unweaving Chronic Pain Podcast. I'm your host, dr Andrea Moore, founder of the Whole Self Integration Method, and I am here not just to guide you on how to live a pain-free life, because, let's face it, being pain-free isn't what life is all about. Being pain-free could mean that your life stays small and shrunken and limited. That's not what we're about here. The Whole Self Integration Method is primarily focused on expanding your life back out again and, as a beautiful side effect, pain alleviates. The Whole Self Integration Method is about embracing your whole self in a way that actually enhances your body's healing, empowers you, increases your resilience, your capacity, your grit and opens your life back up again to do whatever it is that you want to do with your life. 

01:31
Alright, I don't know where you guys are located, but we are definitely in the whole arctic freeze happening all over the United States. I mean sort of. I suppose I can't complain since I am not in like North Dakota, but in Kentucky it has been quite cold. They have canceled school all freaking week long and frankly, I actually have a lot of thoughts and feelings about canceling school due to cold weather and the roads are not that bad and it actually kind of goes into a little bit of what we're talking about here today. This is mainly maybe a tangent, but I can see how it's related and that we've really come to fear so many things that we once tolerated really well as humans. I'm sure you guys all have memories depending on where you're from, of course of going to school when it was freezing outside. We're starting to train our kids that being cold is this horrible, dangerous thing and we're talking about being cold. I just want to make it clear under safe circumstances, we're talking about families who have homes, who are transferring their kids to a school that has a heater. I am not, of course, talking about somebody who is without heating or without a safe place to go. Obviously, we want to make sure that they have access to shelter and to warmth. Yeah, I guess I don't know where we got it. I feel like I'm starting to sound like my parents. I'm like where did we get so soft? 

02:58
And the thing is is so often this is touted as well, it's a safe thing to do. It's almost compared to seatbelts, right, like I saw somebody make that comparison of like well, you know, back in the day we didn't think we needed seatbelts and now we know how safe they are. And, yeah, I'm not going to advocate to not wear seatbelts just because we didn't used to wear seatbelts. That's a totally different level. In fact, seatbelts let's use seatbelts as an example in pretty much every scenario are going to keep you safer. There's actually a few exceptions where they don't, but that's. That's not what you'd ever want to risk. You wear a seatbelt. The research supports it. The data supports it. We know seatbelts actually do keep us safer and pose almost no risk to wearing one. The benefits far, far outweigh the risks. Right is what I'm trying to get at. Whereas things like this, this whole like well, let's keep everyone safe by staying inside because it's so cold, the research actually doesn't support that. It keeps us safer. In fact, when you really look at research in terms of kids being exposed to things like cold or being exposed to situations that might be scary and risky. Play, for example. Engaging in those things actually builds resilience, builds capacity and builds, builds health, just like sanitizing every single surface to try to stay away from germs actually makes you more susceptible to getting sick. 

04:35
Some things sound really good in theory, but they do not result in the very outcomes that they are intended to result in, and this is what we need to look at Not just does it sound good, does it sound right, but truly is it resulting in what we thought it would result in? Because sometimes we think something sounds really good, like it sounds so good on paper, it seems like it makes so much sense and the consequences can be huge and drastic and really profound. And there's only one way to find out. In other circumstances we can usually predict ahead of time when we actually take the time to carry it forward, not just in the short term, but also in the long term of the implications. 

05:21
So a little bit of a sidetrack, but it relates to today's concepts and this one concept that I feel like is so essential along the healing journey. In fact, if there was just one concept that I have learned that has been single-handedly the most game changing, life altering and transformative concepts I've learned is this, and it is one that I continue to come back to and use and weave in in so many different ways and, most importantly, the absence of this, of what I'm going to talk to you about today, will ensure that you stay stuck or, at a minimum, that your progress will feel really narrow, slow and unstable or just like really tenuous. It's like this one small hiccup is going to throw off everything, right. It's like, okay, I can get through my day if everything goes as planned, right, but one small thing goes wrong. It's like your whole day it just goes down the shitter, right. 

06:22
So if you feel like you kind of are walking on a tightrope, like yeah, sure, you're absolutely seeing progress, you're moving forward, but you're finding yourself frequently gripped by fear of losing your progress or straight up falling off this tightrope and you're constantly need to kind of scramble back up again, or maybe you're not doing certain things because the fear of falling off feels too great and it just feels like this really delicate balance that you're having to maintain in this episode is going to completely change the way you look at things and it will make your journey feel so much more spacious, like this wide, open path where you have room to explore, where there's this openness, where you can breathe again, where you aren't gripped by the fear, because there isn't that like, oh my gosh, if I, you know, if I stumble or lose my step, I'm falling off. And this also applies if you've just felt stuck. Maybe you have felt like you aren't making any forward progress, like, no matter what you do, there's a massive concrete wall in front of you and you just can't seem to like get through it, or there's no going around it. This is for you, and maybe you logically know what it's all about. 

07:34
Maybe you don't, and if you don't, keep on listening, but if you do, if you're someone who was like me, who was like but I know why I'm stuck, I know why this, you know, feels narrow. It's because, yeah, I know I just need to come into more acceptance of of my pain, of my situation. Yeah, I just need to love myself more. Yeah, I know I need to have more grace and compassion with myself. Right, maybe you find yourself going through that list. 

07:58
Whatever they might be for you, maybe yours are slightly different, but these things either feel wildly unobtainable. You're like, yeah, I know I need to do that, but it's so impossible that it's just like not going to happen, right. Like self-love is a big one, by the way, which is why I actually don't preach self-love. I mean not that I preach in the first place, but like I am not a huge fan of aiming for self-love. I talk about having self-respect that just like lowers your expectations and actually becomes so much more open because you can respect somebody even if you don't like them. Right. So, hold hold if you're an episode. 

08:29
But the point is, if you are aiming for something that just feels so wildly unobtainable, often what happens is we just kind of like yeah, yeah, I know I need to do that, but like I'm not going to do that. So okay, what's next? Right, so we just kind of throw it out. Chances are, by listening into this episode, we'll kind of really uncover what's jamming it all up, what's creating that concrete wall. Okay, and I want to enter in also a bit of a call out for those that are listening that are like I mean, but I have totally accepted my pain, I am so compassionate with myself, I totally love and respect my body. Look, this is not a one and done process and one, if those are all true, and it's truly something. Even body, the fuck, yeah, absolutely celebrating you right now. 

09:11
Let's give credit where credit's due and just a reminder coming into these states is a powerful experience. It is such a beautiful experience, but having that moment of clarity where you're like, yes, that like surrendering, acceptance, that opens things up for you, it's not enough. It's a starting point, but usually it's a moment in time that happens right, and you're like, oh, my goodness, everything from here on forward is going to be so different, and there's a degree that, when you have those moments that things really do shift, the lens you see the world through often does shift in a way that, like, you can't undo. It's really hard to undo that. However, we never stay in moments like that. We never, and nor are we meant to, nor is that, should that ever be the goal, by the way. 

10:02
So it's just a reminder that if you're like, yeah, yeah, I've come into acceptance, though, but are you re coming back into it? Right? It's a constant coming back into that state that is so important. So you just want to make sure that you keep on listening and also, this is gonna cover it in probably some deeper ways that you may not have considered and this is gonna cover it in some ways that you haven't considered and will really open things back up for you. And if you're like, oh, yeah, I mean I feel that yeah, totally, I'm so accepted and you know, I'm totally accepting my pain, but like, or maybe you've been like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had those moments, totally I know what it's like, but like they don't actually feel good or there's not that clarity around them or they never felt that profound. All the love in the world, chances are you're not quite there yet, and that's okay. I totally thought that I was in acceptance and that I was in compassion with myself until I actually felt what it was like to have this true surrendering version of acceptance and compassion and I realized I hadn't been. And you know what I might discover, and I probably will discover that there's an even deeper level to that that I have not yet been in and I'm so open for that. So it's just knowing there's always depth to these processes, there's always more so, whether you felt what it's like to be in that, but you have a lot of difficulty coming back to it or you don't even know what it's like. 

11:35
This is for you, and before I even get into the concept, I also want to say that this is a concept, not a one and done process. It's not something you like check off a list. It's not a one time destination and, like I said, it's something that I integrate to my day into different processes I do or different ways I approach things Like. I'm constantly integrating it, this overarching theme, into different things. And if this is brand new to you, I want to make something. I want to say something upfront that's going to be really important. We're going to go into some depths of this. I'm going to be a little dramatic about it. I mean because why not? But? But I mean because there's so much value to seeing it in some of the deepest senses. But you do not need to start there. I do not recommend starting there, but I'm just going to. 

12:31
I want to represent it in these really fully powerful versions, and so I'm going to actually do those first. I'm going to dive deep into it first, and this is like learning about scuba diving before you even know how to swim, right it's. It's allowing you to see what becomes possible, but it's not saying that's where you start, and so, after I show you these more deeper, intense variations, I'm going to back up to show you how to make this concept way more actionable for wherever you are in the journey. So if, if any of this like lights you up, take a pause, breathe, like, be like, ok, don't worry, you don't need to do any of this yet, but just so you can see what becomes possible, and then we'll show you where to start. So what is this concept? 

13:14
It is fully accepting that your biggest fear is a real possibility and then embodying the nervous system safety to fully be with that. I know right. Don't stop listening yet, though, if that freaks you out, because there's a lot of nuance. And let me just say up front just because we're embodying it in this way, just because we're accepting it in this way, by no means means that it's going to come true. In fact, this actually decreases the likelihood of it coming true. But that's not why we're doing it, because there often is a very real possibility that your biggest fear is a possibility, and to be in denial of that creates massive tension and resistance in our nervous system. So there is no rush to get there, though you do not. This is not something you just jump to. This is a moving towards, and so if that lit anything up and you was going to invite you, like, shake it off. Now you don't, we're going to start small, don't worry. 

14:22
And just here where I'm going to bring in some examples, but none of these you need to do for yourself, and I'm going to start with a really tangible example for my own journey. When I was at my lowest points during my post concussive symptoms that happened after a car accident, I was having not only like this constant head pain, like feeling like my head was in a vice while simultaneously be lifted off my body like a helium balloon, but I was also having brain fog, fatigue. I was having trouble like finding words, my memory was effective and I was getting zero advice from doctors, and at this point I was already pretty much had a had a massive foot in the door of the alternative world. So, I mean, I kind of gave up on conventional medicine pretty quickly and they were just telling me well, this is probably as good as it's going to get, you're just going to have to learn to live with it, which felt like a massive blow to me, and I was like, absolutely not. You've probably heard me saying this of like, absolutely not. This is. This is not where my journey ends, and, however, all the alternative things I was doing, like acupuncture, biofeedback, craniosacral work, massage therapy, you name it there's so many things on this list it was really just affecting my bank account more than it was affecting my healing. 

15:37
So one day, though, through learning about this concept by the way, this wasn't like a I know some people wake up and have these epiphanies this was not a self epiphany moment. I really actually was taking a full course about this concept. I finally really paused, though, to ask myself what if I was truly like this for the rest of my life, because that was my biggest fear at the time, of never getting better, never being able to access my brain like I was able to do before. Now, before I go further with this, I want to touch on an important distinction that trips people up a lot and it was really tripping me up too Is the doctors. You'll often hear this right, and people real pissed at this, myself included have. Doctors are like I learned to live with it, like I guess that's how you are right. And when you sit with that, I'm going to guarantee that feels heavy, it feels shitty, it feels hopeless. Right, that's how it felt to me. 

16:38
However, the way in which I approached this question and asked it even though it can, if you just look at words on a piece of paper can feel very similar in quality. It's completely different Of what if I was like this for the rest of my life. It wasn't a giving up, it wasn't a resignation. It was an acceptance of what was true in the moment and a playing with the concept of like, well, what if nothing did change? How would I be? How would I treat my body? What would I do? And for me personally, it felt like the biggest weight was lifted off me. There is, of course, that like, okay, I don't want to be like that for the rest of my life. And what if it was true? 

17:31
And when I visited that question and really sat with it, what came to me was that I would care for myself in such a different way. I would slow down, I would sleep more, I would eat better Because at the time I really food very much would affect my symptoms and I was starting to eat pretty crappy, like just doing, you know, whatever came easiest, because I was tired, I was headache all the time. I didn't want to, you know, cook for myself. I would stay up way too late scrolling or watching TV. You know, I just kind of stopped really taking care of myself. I would exercise in a way that felt good. What I was doing up until that point because I was so active before and doing a lot of exercise before is that I would go out in these really big spurts because I'd be pissed that I couldn't exercise, so that I'd go to the gym and like, do a really big workout and I'd feel like shit for days and I'm like, well, I wouldn't do that anymore, but I wouldn't move in a way where I would just meet my body where it was. And so I started doing that. I started doing those things. How would I care for myself? Even? What types of modifications would I make? At one point and this was a little bit later on, but when, really embracing this concept, this was after I gave birth to my son. 

18:39
I was having so much trouble every night remembering what was part of my like bedtime routine, which was brush my teeth, wash my face and take out my contacts, contacts, three things. I couldn't remember them, but I would always know there were things that I didn't have that I needed to do, and every night I would beat myself up or being like, oh my God, look how screwed up I am. I can't even remember how to take care of myself, right, and it would be this. It wasn't. And I think what is really important, because sometimes there's these things where it's like these really obvious source of turmoil, but I felt like it was very subtle. It was like this very subtle beating up of myself. I would just sit in my bathroom like forcing myself, like no, you need to remember this, you need to get through these, come on, like just really aggressively and I normally would, I'd figure it out. 

19:29
And when I paused and remembered this concept, I'm like what could I do to just really meet myself where I am right now and make my life, make this feel more supportive? And I was like I'd write it down in a post and put it on my mirror. And I don't think I did that for like a week, because it felt so stupid to write down that I needed to brush my teeth and wash my face and take out my contacts. But finally I did, and, oh my goodness, it was such a beautiful moment to like not have to force myself at the end of the day when I was tired to think of these things. And so, slowly, over time, I started implementing things like this right, like everything that I had mentioned, and there was no like huge, massive shift. Okay, this is again this would be a whole other episode talking about like tiny baby steps. We've talked about these before. 

20:16
But over time I really started meeting myself where we are, where I was. I really started which I didn't have this frame at the time of the whole self integration method, but it's step two of the whole self integration method is meet yourself where you are, and I really started embracing that. And the whole irony is because I was able to do that, because I was fully able to step into the fear of, well, maybe I would just be like this for the rest of my life. And in stepping into it I made it so it wasn't a fear anymore, which allowed me to start treating myself better. I eventually healed. 

20:51
I wouldn't have healed if I kept going on my healing path in the way I had before asking that question, because before then my healing path was frantic. It was hating where I was, it was fighting where I was, it was beating myself up and it was telling myself every single day that where I was was wrong, that something was wrong with me, that I was broken, why can't I do this, etc. Etc. Which was only increasing the sensitization of my nervous system, putting me in fight or flight mode, increasing my inflammation levels and all that good stuff that was continuously making me feel like shit. 

21:25
When I fully embrace the fear of you know what, maybe I will be like this and I can fully be okay with that. That's when things shift, and a lot of times I'll talk about holding the desire in one hand and then meeting yourself where you are in the other. And so, through this, all that desire of wanting to feel better and really embrace my and really embrace my body's full potential was always there. I just allowed it to kind of sit up on a shelf rather than beating myself up for not being there yet I allowed it to be a possibility. But I also allowed it to not be a possibility, and this is so such an essential step in healing, and I think it gets misconstrued so often Because we take it to mean you need to just give up on your desires or you need to be in resignation, you need to be helpless. And the thing is is when you're truly in this state, when you are in fear of the thing you fear most, it doesn't feel like resignation, it doesn't feel like you're giving up, that just is no longer there. The trick is is to get to that point, to be with a fear enough that you've developed a nervous system safety around it being a possibility. 

22:45
So I'm gonna back up and talk on a more brief thing about other concepts that I play with or have played with or my clients have played with, about big fears and kind of more intense ones being a possibility and coming to the same nervous system safety around it. One of the ones that I played with quite a bit with clients and myself was the fear of getting a divorce if you're married, or addressing certain things in the relationship or even wherever you are in the relationship, of being like yep and divorce is a possibility and bringing yourself to the place of acceptance of and I would be okay, I wouldn't make it true, I don't need to know what it looks like, I don't need definitely For this, you do not need any plans in place, especially for something that you certainly don't want to be a possibility. However, it's just knowing you would figure it out. The other ones I played with is death of a loved one of my husband. Would I be okay, right, not having to fear that this one? However, I will say there are sometimes, when you play with it. There are things that you end up putting in place, like making sure you have life insurance policies, death of a child, making sure your will is in place. So there are. 

24:03
There might be some actionable steps that make sense to take when you fully play with these concepts. It's very different, though, from like oh well, here's how I would grieve and hear it like right, those kinds of things. Now, you don't need to have those in place. It's just like the knowing that I would know how to seek out the support that I need, like I trust that I would seek out the support that I would need to grieve fully and move through it. I definitely don't need to play with like, the like, you know, I don't need to know who I'm reaching out to, or anything like that. Although, if it is something nuance, nuance, nuance If there is a very tangible action you can take that can make you feel better about something or like give you peace of mind, like I would say, life insurance policy. 

24:51
Let's use that as a really like good example. Let's say one of let's say you fear the death of your spouse and part of it is because you're not working, you're a stay at home mom and they're bringing in on the income, and if part of the fear is a financial fear, and then you can assuage those like getting a life insurance policy, like that makes sense to do, right. Like it's like a very practical, sensible thing to do. That you know may require some steps, might require some discussions and things like that, but it's like that makes sense. It's kind of like this like one time action that you put in place and then you get to be done with that same thing, with like something like a will or like setting things up. Or maybe you fear like having to take care of your parents after their death. Checking in with what their plans are might be really beneficial rather than right waiting till it happens and then having nobody to talk to and not knowing what their wishes are, you know, making sure that they have plans in place, right. So part of addressing the fears might be having really scary and difficult conversations. This is going to really vary on what the thing is. Another example is the loss of a job. Maybe you fear getting fired and again there might be something that makes sense to put in place for that. 

26:02
But when we get into some more existential things, often there's nothing to do other than find the nervous system safety. And I do want to say because I don't think I've said this yet if nervous system safety is a concept that you've never heard of before, I have an entire podcast episode on it, so definitely go check that out. I believe it is podcast episode 33. I will do my best to link to it in the show notes. Actually, before we get into existential ones, I do want to cover one more really big one is your own death. Right? This is inevitable. We will all die, and how you come to the place of being in acceptance of that and not fearing it is going to really depend on your face, on your beliefs, on things like that. 

26:47
So I'm not going to go into depth at all, but it is absolutely conversations that I love to delve into with my clients, because coming to terms with death and not fearing it, is massively powerful and beneficial. Because when there's a scenario where you're like, oh my gosh, but the worst case scenario is death, when you get to decide like, okay, would I be okay if I died doing this on a broader level, I don't think anyone's like really wants to randomly die walking across the street, but it's like, okay, I'm living my life, I'm just out here I think it becomes a really valuable one, especially when dealing with some of the more existential threats that I'm going to talk about next, or what I consider to be a little bit more existential, because a lot of them will end in like a fear of death or like, oh my gosh, someone could attack me or kill me at least a lot of mine do. And when you're like, oh, okay, so worst case, I die, like it's just a lot easier to deal with. But you truly have to feel like okay with that, and that one took me quite some time to get to that point and now that I'm there, it's like it speeds a lot of things up. When it's like, okay, that's worst case, I've come to terms with that, I'm okay with that Not that I want to die, by the way like at all. And again, this is where people get tripped out there like, but I wouldn't want to you, of course you don't. No one is saying you want to, it's just being like, but it would be okay. And I mean, personally, I find death an easier one to deal with at times because it's like, well, I mean, I'm dead, I don't have to deal with anything anymore, like I wouldn't have to deal with any fallout. But that's just me. You don't have to use that if you would like. Again, this is gonna be personal on how you come to terms with some of these fears. 

28:25
Now, more existential ones are like state of the world ones, right, or like a massive earthquake, or, for me right now, very much dealing with existential threats. Like you know, a global jihad takes over and then we now live off of a society that is bought into a jihadist ideology. Now, I'm a fan of that, definitely don't want that to happen. Really fucking scary to think about. And I'm doing a lot of work to be like okay, and would I be okay? And I'm getting there. I'm actually at the point where I'm like, probably I'd be killed really early on, since, you know, I'm Jewish, so they'd probably just out me real quick and then I really wouldn't have to deal with most of it. So that kind of makes it easier. And if I somehow managed to hide, then like hopefully I'd be with my family and we'd figure it out. I guess, like I'm kind of at this that point, like I don't know what would happen. I have like there's no plans in place or anything like that. It's just being like I guess I would figure it out. So you know, that's one that I'm working on, and then other like apocalyptic ones too. 

29:30
And this is where some people right they stock up on food, they have like a whole shelter made and it's like, you know, if you got the resources to do that and that's what you need, then and it's not ruining your life to do that then like whatever, no judgment at all, I personally don't do any of that. I'm like I don't know, I got a Kroger nearby, I guess. Run to there real quick and do my best to fight off the mobs. I don't know, I don't have the bandwidth or the wherewithal or the space to stock food. So you know, it's like coming to terms with like well, like as I didn't do my due diligence, and then I'm gonna die, right. 

30:08
See, this is where the whole death thing comes into comes very valuable because you're like okay, whatever, I don't feel like doing that, right, it's just like what? What allows you to come to terms with it? I have a lot of dark thoughts, in case you were wondering, but when you be playful with them like this, then it makes it totally much more doable. So, anyways, that was a long list of really dark thoughts, but a lot of people have them and I hope I did not make light of any of them in a way that didn't feel like honoring to the bigness of them, because I recognize these are big and part of the way that I manage them is bringing them where they can actually feel light but still be taken just as seriously. And if you're not there yet, that's totally okay. You don't ever have to be there. That doesn't have to be a desire, but I just wanted to acknowledge that that's where I am with things and I found this lightness to be extremely beneficial. 

31:00
But let's say, but like, okay, so why are we doing this? What is the point of all this? The point is is it's very, very challenging to take certain actions when we have fears, and that will jam up in our system, sometimes more so than we can ever notice. So I'm going to use a really common example that happens with entrepreneurs and that I have faced a lot, which is, oh, posting something on social media. So often it feels so silly, like I'm just trying to post something on social media. Why am I totally paralyzed? 

31:32
If you really follow it through, the fear might be something like because this is mine. Oh, my god, if I post something on social media that people don't like, people are going to come find me and kill me and throw me in jail and it's going to be like one of those deaths where, like, I'm found in a forest and nobody knows why, so no one will even know that someone killed me, and it just sounds really terrible Like my mind is gone or used to go off the rails on this and somehow I was both dead and in jail at the same time. It was all very confusing, lots, lots going on there, and if you've listened to other episodes, I talk about where the jail thing came from, but I won't go into that here. So it might seem silly like, well, I can't just post something on social media, but it's because your body is being like. Well, posting on social media obviously means you're going to die, right. 

32:18
And if you're not able to carry that out, to feel like what is the deepest level of fear, then you get stuck into like why can't I just post? Oh, my gosh, what's wrong with me? You spiral, you kind of whatever, ignore it all day, and then you get to the end of the day and you're like god damn it, I didn't post, okay, I'm going to do it tomorrow. And then tomorrow the exact same thing happens, right, and you just stay in that cycle and you never really uncover the reason why you are. Maybe you're focusing on like okay, I need a better habit, or I need to be more consistent, or I need more discipline, or I need more motivation or inspiration, right, you get stuck in all these other things and really what it's about is there's a fear of death, and to uncover what those fears are, you just got to ask like okay, so what's the worst thing that would happen there? Well, what's the worst thing that would happen there? Well, it's the? 

33:01
And just keep asking, and usually it's going to come to death, or like death of someone else, or like you lose your home and you're homeless, which then usually results in death. Anyways, right, there's almost always a death undertone. Not always, though. You follow it to where you're like, oh my god, that would be so bad if that happened. And you feel that fear lit up in your body, and then you get to play with what if that was a puzzle? What if that was what happened? And with ones that are okay. So we've already kind of talked about how to deal with it on a very superficial level. 

33:32
If it's a death related one, it's coming to terms with death then, but on the other hand, let's say it's not a death one. Maybe it's like oh my gosh, my family's going to disown me because I'm posting things they don't agree with. Can you be okay with that? Would you be able to figure it out? Would you be able to make it through? Now, reminder, with nervous system safety. It doesn't mean it's graceful, it doesn't mean it's elegant, it does not mean it feels good. It could feel like absolute shit and it could feel horrible for a while. 

34:01
But do you make it through? And if so, can I be able to be with all the discomfort that could come up? And this might be something you do with, like little bits. This does not have to be a one-time process. But maybe you are being like, wow, I'd have to be yelled at by my mom and you just like, deal with the discomfort of that and you come to terms with it. And maybe, actually, as incoming to terms, you're like, yeah, you know, would probably make it up and be better. Or you come to terms with like, yeah, I mean, she wouldn't ever be okay with that, but my body's not okay with me speaking my truth, right. And so then you get to decide what happens if you never speak your truth, and what happens right. And you get to like, weigh out these different scenarios. 

34:41
And so when you play with all this, when you get to the point of like that worst fear is no longer a fear, then often it's so much easier to take action. You aren't gripped. That's that concrete wall that you can't move through. You're not gripped by it, or that narrow balance beam. It's kind of like, what is the like what? Why is it that one little thing that can, you know, pick up through your day can throw you all off? And often it's because you might fear certain emotion, you might fear being tired. 

35:10
The fear might be like in having a dysregulated nervous system, so it's almost like these emotional pieces are playing into it, as you're like everything has to go perfectly as planned so that way I can stay totally calm and totally fine and keep everything you know going as planned. But let's say, something then happens that throws you into grief and you're like, oh my gosh, my fear is being in grief and if I start crying I will never stop again. Right, you can see how this is ramping up your nervous system and you're going to be like how can I avoid it? Okay, must avoid anything that could possibly make me sad. Must avoid anything that could possibly make me anger, because, oh my gosh, if I got angry I would probably smack my kid across the face and that would be horrible and I would be the worst mom in the world. Right, can you see where these little things can make it? So we're, like, got to stay so rigid, which the whole irony is. Staying that rigid, being on this narrow path, needing to keep everything in balance and perfectionism, ramps up the fear and the intensity and the tension in our nervous system so much that it just creates more chronic pain until we break your more chronic anxiety, more, trying to avoid it. So this is why it's so important to be like okay, worst case scenario, I lose my shit. 

36:25
And the whole irony is it's like you need me, like worst case scenario, hit my kid right. Like that sounds like really bad. It's like it's one thing to talk about. Okay, worst case scenario, I'd be like man, I hit my kid. Man, that's like I would never imagine slapping my kid across the face and, by the way, I've never slapped my kid across the face. 

36:40
But I have totally played with this of like oh my god, worst case scenario, it could like it really irritates me. You know, I'm like I could see myself doing that and I've watched myself through like, okay, I would repair. I would apologize profusely, I would, I mean, absolutely feel terrible. I would feel horrible and you know what I can deal with. I can make it true, I can repair that. I know how to fix that. I would not like that at all. I hope I never do that. But if it were to happen, I would figure it out and I make damn sure well, that never happened again. And I would probably do like okay, what led up to that and I would problem solve it right, like I would take action from that. It's not being like, okay, it just happened, it's totally fine and I'm going to have endless grace and compassion with for myself and totally let myself off the hook. No, I would have grace and compassion but I won't let myself off the hook for that. Absolutely not. It's not okay. But I could figure it out right and that's what I have the confidence in. Is the like I would be able to problem, solve what went wrong and repair it. Can you see how valuable it is to be able to do this? 

37:45
And one of the big fears people have is around the actual, even self reflection, is around the whole concept of like what if I find out I'm not perfect? Right, what does that mean about me? What if in the self reflection it turns out I've done some pretty shitty things as a human right? Like those things are sometimes some of the most hidden ones and the ones that can feel like the worst. And I find just like, get under your skin and it can be so, it can be so sneaky. Like sometimes they take those. Sometimes it's like the most subtle ones that really run deep and kind of take longer. The death ones are usually pretty obvious. Right. 

38:27
It's the like what if it turns out I am an asshole sometimes? Or what if it turns out that, like, I'm not as good of a mom as I really hoped I was right? And so again it becomes like, okay, so you were an asshole in that situation? I don't know if you guys then brings up the I don't know if anyone else watches those or like, sees those on Reddit, the like am I the asshole ones? There's like a guy who reads them and I love them. Anyways, that is like my guilty pleasure. 

38:53
Sometimes people are the assholes in scenario, like 100%. I am sure there are scenarios where you've been an asshole. Everybody is an asshole sometimes and every mom has moments where she's not the mom she wanted to be. But when deep down, we know that none of those things mean anything about our worth as a human, because you know you are infinitely worthy and whole and, on a spiritual level, perfect, exactly as you are, then nothing can ever touch that, because that is unchanging. You can't be more or less, it just is. And I very much speak to this on a spiritual level. This perfection, this wholeness, it's spiritual. It's not on the human plane. We all fuck up on the human plane. None of us are perfect. That's ridiculous, right, and this, right here, is how you break that fear. 

39:52
The fear of perfectionism comes because there's a fear of not being perfect. When you're totally fine with not being perfect, it makes it so you can evaluate yourself a whole lot better. But, more importantly, it actually is exactly what allows you to become a better human. What allows me to be the mom I want to be chunks of the time, not all the time at all is because I'm really willing to be like wow, I was not the mom I wanted. To be right then To fully be like okay, yeah, that was not how I wanted to act in that scenario. How can I do better next time? Right, that question becomes very painful. If not being a good mom at all times is a deeply rooted fear, or it's linked not being good enough or not being worthy, right, when you unlink those things and you're like, yeah, of course I'm not going to be a perfect mom all the time. That's ridiculous and you truly believe it. Actually, the whole irony is that it's so much easier to be a better mom then, and I think sometimes people use these concepts. By the way, I do want to say something is that I do sometimes think people use these concepts to let themselves off the hook in a way that isn't supportive of their true, authentic selves. 

41:02
Let's use being a mom as an example. I'm really committed, for example, to not having my kid on screens most of the time. I'm never committed to all the time, because that's ridiculous in my opinion, but I'm really committed to most of the time. There are times where it would feel so easy to just give him a tap to just be like oh, I just take the freaking tablet, like when we go to a restaurant or something to be like here, just play games on my phone. When he was like jumping around on the booth and stuff. 

41:31
And there are voices that will come in of like I'm looking around and seeing other parents do it and there's that voice of like, come on, you can do it. Look, they're doing it, it's totally fine, let yourself off the hook, you're tired, you've had a hard, you already mean those types of voices and they're bullshit. That is like these little societal voices that are like don't hold yourself up to the standard you want to hold yourself up, to Just give in. That does not feel supportive and so I don't and I'm like, nope, this is what I've committed to, this is what I'm going to do, and so we're going to sit here and focus on how to sit down or how to not, you know jump over the booth and get in the way of other people's meals and teach that concept to him, because I think that's really important for him to know how to do. That being said, I know the difference of that voice versus when I am legitimately sick and I don't have a sitter and, let's say, schools canceled or it's on a non school day and my husband's at work. Am I going to put my kid in front of the TV? Yeah, probably. Even then, I'll still probably be like, okay, play some games first, or like, try to keep yourself occupied, especially now, because he's just better about that. But like, yeah, we're going to default to TV and screens Eps of freaking Lutely. 

42:47
That letting myself off the hook, quote, unquote. It's not letting myself off the hook, because I'm not on a hook to begin with, and I know in that moment that's exactly what's best for me to heal faster and for him to, you know, have something to occupy him, and mainly it's for me, let's be real so I can heal faster and, because I don't do this really any other time, it makes it a whole lot easier to make that decision. So, anyways, I say this to be like. I do think people will use this concept to let themselves off the hook, and I don't think that's beneficial. 

43:19
Being able to differentiate, though, what's letting yourself off the hook, what's, you know, lowering your own standards of yourself, versus what's meeting yourself where you are, requires a lot of nuance and self knowing, and I think it's really hard to even go there If you can't be okay with what it might mean about you and you can't be okay with maybe making some mistakes, screwing things up, which often requires fully knowing that you are enough exactly as you are. So that way, you weren't fearing not being enough Like you should blow that whole fear out the water. It's just like it doesn't. It's not even a real fear, because it doesn't even make sense. I mean, it is a real fear. Hold on, it's a real fear. Obviously it's just. It's not based in reality, and I struggled with this one a lot. 

44:01
So here's the other thing that I want to touch on, and how to make this more actionable. Let's use the. This isn't actually where I was going to go, because this feels like a big one too, but let's use a not being enough one, for one of the examples here is one of these things that will. One of the things that allows you to do this is that you're playing with possibilities and there has to be some awareness of the actual possibility of this scenario happening. Okay, so let's say somebody has a fear of aliens coming down to earth and then taking over. Okay, I mean, it could happen. Let nobody freaking knows, right, I don't know. 

44:35
That being said, it's a really small likelihood and I think when things are just a really tiny likelihood, it sometimes is just easier to come to be like, okay, I mean, I guess I figured out, but like, that's probably really never going to happen, you know, same thing, like, I mean, I think sometimes a big fear is, you know, getting getting into a really bad car accident. Well, I've already been there. Or getting killed in a car accident. Right, it happens, it's a possibility, it is really small. Same thing with, like, plane crashes right, when you look at the actual numbers there, it's possible. 

45:08
It's really really tiny percentage, right, versus possibilities of like someone gets mad at what I post on Instagram. I mean, that's actually a decent possibility. That's pretty likely to happen at some point, because it's the internet who doesn't get mad at. Like anything they see doesn't matter what you freaking post. You could post a picture of a cute puppy and people get pissed somehow. Like, of course people are going to get mad at some point, right? So in all of this there's absolutely a level of weighing out. What are the possibilities. 

45:40
But so, anyways, I want to bring it back to that I'm not enough thing, because this is actually something I did back when I really struggled with this concept of like. Everybody is truly enough, no matter who they are or what they are, how horrible the human they are. Like, I still fully believe that everybody is enough on a spiritual level. I still think people can be a shitty human, but you're still enough on a spiritual level. You are still part of the divine, you are still fully loved by the divine. That is, again my beliefs. You don't have to believe that or in that. You know you can use different words. 

46:09
But I was like but what if I wasn't right? So that was my biggest fear. So what if I was the one exception to this rule? And so I played with this of like okay, me, the one in eight billion people on this earth would be the only one. What if that was actually true, that I wasn't enough, that was not infinitely loved? What would I do? How would I act? 

46:34
And when I played with that, I was kind of like what's the big deal? Like I don't know, like what's the consequence of that? Like people get mad at me anyways, as it is Like I couldn't really come to terms with like why would be such a bad thing? I'm like I guess I'd be pretty shitty, but like I guess that was also how I was born. So like there must be some reason for that. So, actually, maybe I'm here to like have a purpose of like it's okay to not be enough and you can still like do good things as a human. So it actually resulted in like I think I'd actually be a better human to try to like you know, in a way make up for it. And I was like okay, so I guess I could just go do like more nice things for people. That doesn't sound so bad, actually, kind of a nice thing to do, right. And so I was like all of a sudden, I just like blew up my own fear of like okay, so it wasn't enough big deal that took time to come to. I wasn't just like instantly there, but this is how you can start playing with it. So, anyways, ways to bring it smaller is playing with. 

47:29
What level of fear can you be with or entertain as a possibility? So, for instance, maybe let's use Instagram because it's just, it's such an easy one. I think it's an easy one to be with. So, let's say, you have a private Instagram account and you're terrified to post a picture of yourself, but and you want to assume this is a desire, obviously, because if you have no desire to post a picture of yourself, then you don't need to do it Well, let's say, for whatever reason, it's like yeah, this feels aligned with some goal you have. 

47:58
You might be like okay, when I post it, what it would? I feel, what's my biggest fear, right? And? Or what's what's the fear? And so don't go to the biggest one. It might be like well, I'm going to feel really uncomfortable and be really scared that people are going to say something. Now notice, you're going to be scared. That people are going to say something is not actually that somebody said anything, yet You're just sitting with the fear of the possibility that somebody could say something. 

48:27
So what you first want to play with is what would it be like to just be in that fear of the possibility, so the thing hasn't happened, right? So now the scenario is that you've posted and nobody says anything, but you're scared someone's going to say that can you be with that scaredness? What would that feel like in your body? Can you fully embody it and can you fully breathe it? If so, you've already survived it, right? Which means then you can post that picture and you can be in that fear and that discomfort. And if you really fully embody and breathe something, a lot of times it just kind of goes away. It's not even there anymore. 

49:04
And then the next thing would be like well, somebody does someone's like you're ugly, or wow, your nose is too big, or maybe you should do your hair a little bit better. Like, right. And you might even play with different levels of comments. And you could be like, okay, wow, I'd feel like so triggered up, my face would get really red, I'd get really hot, I'd get really angry. Like what would it be for you? Right, I'd feel so embarrassed, you know, cheeks would be burning. And then you'd be like I might go cry, so like okay, so like, who would you cry to? How would that be? Could you make it through that? Can you just be with that as a possibility? And also in the scenario, could you know, you could be like fuck you and delete it. 

49:41
Right, that's always a possibility too, and also the possibility of someone really coming out and saying comments like that when you have a private Instagram account or you have a very small following, are pretty much slim to none, so the possibility is actually insanely tiny, which is then also, after you have played with the fears, where you also want to bring in the possibility of what if it works? What if people love my picture? What if people have good things to say about it? Or what if, you know, I post that thing and I, you know, I put my business out there and I get new clients? What if me and my kids have a really strong bond? What if my marriage works out and my husband and I are closer together? What if my chronic pain does alleviate? What if I am able to embrace my life? Make sure, at some point, to play with those possibilities as well. 

50:32
I found for me I can play with those possibilities so much easier now. But I find for me I don't know it's not true for everybody I have to go to the fear. I have to kind of like deal with the fear pieces first, because they're just too strong. When I try to play with the possibility of something works out, I get the like concrete wall up in front of me. My nervous system is like if you absolutely not, we can't even think about this. What do you, who do you think you are to think of something so wonderful? And it's like die Right, because mine's super dramatic and so I go. My bias is to go to fear first and play with those first, which is like super dark and is where I like to play with, because but it's now just become fun and it's super light for me to even play there but then it allows me to go to like well, what if it actually did work out and play with that. Not everyone needs to do that, but chances are, as you're listening to this and this is resonating, that might be where you need to go first. 

51:25
I had this one a lot. There was a lot of fear out of healing, because I'm like well, if I heal, then I'm going to have to go do things, then I'm going to go back to work, and that's really exhausting. I didn't trust that I could go back to work because I was so tired all the time that I didn't remember what it would be like to not have that, and also, I was already burned out in the first place, right? Sometimes the fear is of success, of like, oh my gosh, if I actually went out and I made the money I want in my business, then my you know freeloading sister would come and demand that I give her all my money and then have to deal with all this family drama. Right, and so, taking yourself through the fear of success scenarios as well, it can be really important. 

52:06
All of this requires knowing how to fully feel something in your body, which means, in one of the most smallest tangible steps. It might mean first being like I have a body and acknowledging there's a body there to feel into and to be. Feel like there might be sensations in my body. Sometimes that has to come first before you can even play with any of this bigger stuff. It requires being able to feel somatically what's going on in your body, right, if you're like I don't know what you're talking about, about feeling the fear, if that feels like really confusing and just you're like, okay, andrew, you have not given me any like tangible things, like I get what I was supposed to do in theory, but like I don't know how to do it. 

52:52
And that's really where the pain to power program comes in, because if that's where you are which is where a lot of my clients are, you're not alone in that is learning how to even what it means to feel something in your body and to develop the safety, the nervous system, safety around it and the capacity to do it and processes around doing it. And so then you can take all those processes and tools that that pain to power program will teach you and obviously talk about these things like that in the program as well. But then you can use this concept that I'm teaching and apply it to all of the processes and tools that you have learned within the program, and then you can use it with anything that's going on in your life, not just pain but, you know, anxiety. You can use it for a lot of business things. I've a lot of entrepreneurs in my program that are seeing tremendous business success by using the very tools that I have in the pain to power program. So definitely something to look into is the pain to power program. 

53:49
If you're like I need way more actionable steps on how to feel into my body that that's somewhere you want to go next, and so to do that, just you know, reach out. I'll put a link in the show notes to contact me and that way I can tell you more about how to get in on that and how to become a member where people are seeing amazing, amazing transformation. Amazing transformation like one business owner who has gone from being scared to show up in her business, who has burned out, overworked, to now hiring a team and being fully booked out in her business. To another who is restructuring her whole business right now to accommodate, to better serve and support her body's needs. In a client whose business took off after going through the pain to power program because she was able to get in touch with her body to do work like this, which was with being with some of her biggest fears, and to get out of a really tough situation that was really holding her back, move across the country and have her business be thriving. 

54:56
There are so many more stories like this, and then the best way to know if this is right for you is to reach out. Let's have a one on one call where I can really learn about where you are on your journey and help you figure out what the next best step is for you, whether it's the pain to power program or something else entirely, or another resource that I have to recommend, or even another practitioner, because I am all about matching up what is best for you on where you are on your journey. Can't wait to see you. Bye.