A Conscious Approach to Redefining the Holidays

Your answer to this question is going to dictate how the next month and a half goes for you. And that question is do you view the holidays as something to look forward to, to be excited about, or something you dread? Look, I normally like to go deep and I'm not going to lie. Sometimes stepping back and talking about something like the holidays feels a little almost luxurious and privileged and superficial. But here's the thing the holidays are all around us and I actually really happen to love the holiday season, and what I see so often is this built-in dread that comes with it. And what I will say from now working with clients over the past over a decade, how my clients view the holidays very much dictates their pain levels, their stress levels and how they feel as we move into this time. Even if they're people who try to just ignore the holidays or be like I just don't want anything to be a part with them, I feel neutral about them. Often that means it's because there is an underlying stress that comes with them. So in this episode I wanted to provide an overall framework to get clear on how you're looking at them, and if you're somebody who really enjoys the holidays already, I'm still going to encourage you to really listen in, because you're going to just gain a really valuable framework that you can apply to other things and learn how to even enhance your experience. So not only will you be learning this very valuable framework on how to view the holiday experience that can be applied to other things, but at towards the end, you're going to have some very practical action steps you can take. So you might want to get a pen and paper ready for towards the end while I'm asking some questions that you can walk through that just taking the five minutes to do so can really dictate how the next month and a half goes for you. 

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Unweaving Chronic Pain podcast. I am your host, dr Andrea Moore, and I am here to help you decode your pain to master your life. If you haven't yet taken it, I just released a brand new pain archetype response assessment. When you take this assessment and learn your archetypal response to pain, it is going to be the key that helps you unlock the exact thing that you need to take the next step on your pain journey. It is the thing that's going to allow you to move from pain dictating your life from the moment you wake up, to, being able to wake up and be ready to start the day with ease, with passion and knowing that you get to be working towards what you want in life. Because, after all, isn't that what's healing is about Living a life that feels amazing. At the end of the day, no one wants. She was pain free on their gravestone. I mean, pain free is nice, don't get me wrong but this is about so much more. This is about really using this life that we have in a way that just feels so aligned and right for you, and so once you figure out your pain response archetype, it is going to help you accomplish that. So make sure you go check out the show notes, get that link and go ahead and take that assessment. Can't wait to see what your results are. 

All right Now, getting into today's episode. I asked that question at the beginning how are you viewing moving forward into this holiday season right now? Is there dread? Is there excitement? Is there joy? Is there fear? Is there anxiety? Is there stress? Like? Just notice what is your overall mood towards it. Just take a moment to really feel into it right now, because here's the thing we live in a universe that is a self reflective universe. What we put into it it is going to reflect back to us. 

And I know for me hearing this concept could be very aggravating at times, because it's not like I want to feel dread towards the holidays. It's not like I mean to be anxious about them or stressed about them, but how am I supposed to not feel stressed about them when involves XYZ right and so one? I just want to be like if your response to hearing the universe is self reflective makes you kind of want to punch me through the podcast player, whatever you're listening to this on. I totally get it, it's fine. That's why we have this distance between us, just kidding. But here's the thing is that this really is true and there's no judgment of this, and being able to step back and see the truth in this is exactly what sets you free from being locked into the cycle of anxiety, dread and fear that often happens around the holidays, and I've seen this cycle happen for so many reasons and reasons that are legitimate. 

I have had a client who had her spouse die over the holidays. Of course she dreads them, of course massive grief comes up. I have had other clients who have just massive family trauma and gaslighting and abuse that occurs over the holiday season when she tries to spend time with her family, like, of course, it brings up a lot, but this gets to be the time where we choose to break the cycle and rewrite what things can look for us and ultimately we can't just go and stick our heads in the sand and in the hole and avoid all holiday stuff, which is what one of my clients was trying to do in the past. Anything around holidays would bring up her grief, for instance, and so her coping mechanism was to just literally try to lock herself inside as much as possible, but it meant that anytime she saw a Merry Christmas post or a happy holiday you know, advertisement or anything, she would be re-triggered up. The truth is, we can't avoid these things. So even if you don't want to have anything to do with the holidays or you don't feel passionate about them, that's fine. You don't have to. I really don't care what you end up doing with them, as long as then you can walk through and just feel totally neutral about it and just know it's what you've chosen intentionally for yourself. 

Because what I see all too often is, in the attempts to avoid the emotional component. People try to resist. People again try to kind of stick their head in the sand and try to just say they're going to avoid it, not go to any holiday parties, but then they're constantly exposed. We live in a world of so much exposure we cannot hide from it, and for a lot of clients I also have, is they want the holidays to be a time of magic and joy and connection and friendship. But whatever their family dynamic is, whatever the past has been seems to have made that impossible. So it's like they go in so gung ho, just like wanting it to be different this year, and the same scenario plays out where they are left exhausted and burned out, where everybody else seems to enjoy themselves except for them, and here they are making all the magic for everybody else and they are left depleted Again. This gets to be a time where you rewrite this for yourself, and there is not a better time to start than right now. So, going back to this concept of we live in a self reflective universe, one of my mentors that I've studied under, peter Sage, really has this beautiful, very simplified way of looking at this, and so I'm going to use his language, just because it's so clear and it's so simple. 

We can be operating out of three different layers of consciousness, and knowing which one we are in and which one we are operating from is essential to shifting it, if it's not the one that we would want to choose for ourselves. And first, in order to know which one you are in, you have to identify them right. So the first layer is victim. All right, when we are in a victim consciousness, the great way of knowing this is when your languaging is, I will feel great, or I will feel joy, or whatever word you want to use here. If, right, like, I'll feel the holiday magic. If this happens, I'll feel calm. If these things go my way, I'll feel calm if Aunt Sally stays away from the booze and doesn't go crazy during Thanksgiving dinner. Right. 

When we are in this victim mode, in this victim consciousness, everything is dependent on the external world and what happens in it, which means we are a victim to it. We don't have any power in affecting it, and that feels really crappy. We from this place, we feel helpless, we feel powerless, and it's not a nice place to live. What can sometimes be tricky about this layer of consciousness? Because sometimes it's pretty obvious and we know it and we're like, okay, yep, that's me. But sometimes we can kind of trick ourselves. Especially if you're a listener of this podcast, chances are you're like many of my listeners and my clients and you are highly intelligent, highly analytical, so you're really good at talking your way out of certain things and you're like me as well, and so I know I have been in this consciousness but struggled to see it because I was kind of tricking myself or my subconscious was right. 

None of this is intentional. No one wants to be in victim, right, and there's no judgment if you are just recognizing it is what we're asking here. But often what happens is we can use this state to kind of also get into this hopeful state of like yeah, everything is going to go so great. If this happens, if this all goes this certain way, if everything goes perfectly to plan, everything will be wonderful, right, and so it's like we can kind of step into that energy that actually feels pretty good, because you've laid out this perfect plan that if everybody just sticks to it and nothing goes wrong, then everything will be great and you get to feel what you want it to feel. But a lot is riding on that perfect plan. And if you're someone who likes to set perfect plans, how often have they fallen apart? Or part of that plan are people who are not under your control, right? And so just recognizing that, like, ooh, okay, yep, if you any, there's any of that, like, yeah, but if that thing just happened, then it would be fine. That's a victim mindset and sometimes, again, just notice, if you are almost tricking yourself, that you're not there because you can step into that state, that does feel good. 

If something goes wrong, if something gets derailed and everything goes to shit because of it, chances are this is your own victim state, or that's what has happened in the past, or that's the pattern that tends to happen. Right, so the next state, right, so that's the victim. And again, you know you're in it. If you have a lot of that, if language, things will be good. If the next level of consciousness is the achiever, all right, this is the. I will feel great, or I will feel joy, or I'll feel the holiday magic. I'll feel peace Again. Whatever your word is, whatever you want to be feeling the most of around holiday season not that we're ever in one state the whole time, that's ridiculous but what you want to feel the most of right is I'll feel that when that's when this outcome has been achieved, right, you're setting a goal, like when I have fully wrapped every present and when all the decorations are up and when all that perfect plan is written out and made and when the kids you know, get their picture taken and look picture perfect, then I'll finally get to sit down and feel great and enjoy. 

And this state often is where burnout happens. This is the hustle go, go, go. I'm getting things done. Often we can get a shit ton done in this state. It can be very effective Again, and none of these states are inherently wrong or bad, they just are. 

However, what often happens in this state is we burn out, we get exhausted, or if we don't hit the desired outcome, then we don't get to feel the way we want to feel Right. That means if a you know present, you order doesn't come in time and you can't get it wrapped by that deadline you set, then all of a sudden, right, you don't get to feel that like, oh, I finally get to then sit down and put my feet up and watch that you know holiday movie I've been wanting to watch, or whatever it might be. It's like we miss that state because it's so dependent on the outcome. And again, when everything kind of goes your way, it's kind of easy to just stay writing the states. But when things don't, or when you don't achieve that outcome again, that's when shit hits the fan. 

And then often this state will often cycle with the victim state, because often what happens is we get to this go, go, go, hustle, hustle, hustle, doing all the things, creating all the Christmas magic, all the holiday magic, whatever holiday you celebrate here, right, and then you burn out. And that's then when you go into victim mode and then you get that kind of burst of hope and then you might go back into achiever mode. So you can toggle between the two quite a bit. It's very common to cycle between these. So if you're not quite sure which one you fit under, it's probably because you're just toggling back and forth and most of us are going to live in these two states. 

And the thing with these states again is that it's not that you can't have amazing things happen from them, it's that it takes so much more energy and it's again it's dependent on a lot that is out of your control and often in this state. We are also trying to achieve an outcome that isn't quite possible from this state. It's almost like if you want to be a minimalist and you shop at Costco like you can make all the plans you want, you can read all the books you want, you can try harder next time you go, but no matter what, you're coming home with so much junk and so much bulk stuff that you know then don't have place to put in your house, right, like it doesn't make sense. It's the wrong action to take to achieve the goal you want. And so many of us do this unintentionally. We take really solid seeming action, but it just doesn't match what we're aiming for. And I see this again around an approach to the holiday season, but also around approach to healing chronic pain. So many of us are putting in so much effort. It's just misdirected effort. It's the whole work smarter, not harder thing, and actually it's more like work more intentionally, not harder is the way I would like to put it. 

So what is the next level? What is the manifestor level? That is, I feel great or I feel joy, or insert word here now. That is when you know how to cultivate that feeling state that you desire right now, no matter the circumstance that is that, in terms of holidays, it's almost the way I love to look at. It is like you have broken every ornament on your Christmas tree it fell over, the Christmas cookies got burned, the holiday meal got destroyed and the kids are crying and yet you are looking around being like, oh my goodness, I have such an amazing family. 

Or, like I remember, a few years ago, I attempted to make latkes for the first time for Hanukkah and I burned the ever loving crap out of them, because I never can fry things properly. I set off the smoke detector. It was like such a hot mess and then it was just funny. It was just funny because it was just so ridiculous, right, and we laughed about it. And then it was like you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to Trader Joe's and I'm buying their pre-made latkes and I'm like, oh my god, how cool is it that we can live in a time where I can just go to Trader Joe's and they have quite delicious latkes. By the way, I haven't even attempted to make my own since then, because theirs are so good. 

And it's like we get to cultivate that feeling of joy and just memories, even when the thing goes horribly wrong, and that doesn't mean there aren't other feeling states that come in or that you aren't then actively working to shift out of it. And I think this is the nuance that gets missed so much, and I'm going to talk about that in a minute. But let me finish up what I am saying about this manifestor level right, where it's like you get to decide for yourself right now what it is you want, and then you get to carry that into the holiday season and keep connecting back to that. So what I'm going to invite you to do, before I talk about the nuance, before I talk about why that's so hard and the challenges and how to address those, I want you to step in and take a moment to breathe, just taking a breath into your body. If you are listening in the car, you can still do this, but if you're taking a walk or you're doing dishes, see if you can really take a moment to just pause. Or you can pause this and come back to this later. And this might be a time where, if it feels good to just jot down a few things, that might be good to have that ready, but first and foremost, just step into of, like, what do you want for this holiday season? 

If you fast forward to January 2nd and you are looking back and reflecting on the holiday season, how do you want to reflect on it? Do you want to be like, oh my gosh, that was the most calm and peaceful holiday season I ever had and that was wonderful? Do you want it to be like, oh my gosh, it was so chaotic and so full of family and laughter and just memories and I now need to go like rest for a week, but like I'm so full of joy because of that and that's what you want. Do you want it to feel like it was magical? Do you want it to feel like it was full of friends? Do you want it to feel more of like a huddling down and just actually having really good quality alone time with yourself, where you got to just get cozy and kick back and watch movies and eat your favorite foods and actually just said screw it, I'm not doing any holiday activities this year. Right? What do you want it to be for you? You get to decide that and I'm going to invite you to leave out details right now. You don't need to know the how. 

So if you're someone who has five children and a massive family and all you want is peace and quiet, that might feel impossible, right, but just tap into that feeling of like, well, that's what you want, just tap into that right now. You get to just dream. Don't worry about the how you get to just touch into what you want right now. When you have that, really feel into it, feel what that would feel like in your body. Even if you need more time, feel free to pause this, really just noticing how you can cultivate that right now, how you can feel into that feeling state right now, which means you get to create it. 

Now that you've done that, I want you to think about those three levels of consciousness the victim the I'll feel that if. The achiever the I'll feel that whatever you want when. Or the manifester I'll feel that now, right, which state do you want to operate out of? You get to choose that state. You are a sovereign adult. Which one do you want to operate out of and which one have you tended to operate out of in the past? And that might be a cycling between them, right, it's not like there's sometimes. There's not just one clear cut answer and just owning that choice, whatever your choice is, owning that feeling state you want to feel more of. And now I want you to ask your wisdom, ask your body of what is one thing you can do to help cultivate that and let the knowing, the answer, just come to you. And if it doesn't come to you right in this moment, it might come to you later. 

Maybe it is a really clear action of like. Actually, you know what? I wasn't going to go to that one family event but I'm actually going to. Now it's out of the way. It's a pain in the ass to get to. You know, the kids never want to do the drive or whatever it might be Like. It just feels very inconvenient. But maybe you really wanted that feeling of family connection and you're like you know what it's worth it. It is worth the hassle. 

Maybe you are canceling an event. Maybe it is something that you're adding a tradition. Maybe you're going to try out a new tradition this year because you want your own traditions. Maybe you're ditching an old tradition, that you're like we've been doing that, but I don't even like that tradition, right? Maybe you are saying I'm not doing XYZ anymore, I am not going to be the one who wraps the presents or I'm not going to be the one who makes lot because I'm buying them from Trader Joe's Right Like what is it for you? Maybe it's not something that's quite as actionable. It's more like you know what I'm actually going to spend time to just connect with myself every day. Whatever it is for you, it could be none of the above Just tap into that and write it down and commit to that, and it might be something that you keep coming back to as you move through the holiday season. 

How can you keep connecting back to that feeling state you want and this is where we get to get into some of the nuance and where I think people and I know I myself when I say that it's because I see it, I did it, this myself and so many of my clients struggle with this is we create this feeling state we want, we learn about these different states we can be in, and then, when we are doing anything other than those things, we just shit on ourselves and beat ourselves up. I'm like, oh my gosh, I wanted to manifest this wonderful peace and calm and here I am, victim into this chaos. I'm such a piece of crap and clearly I can't do anything right, right, does that sound familiar? Because that was my self talk all the time Right, and we then make ourselves wrong for not having achieved this goal. We're moving towards Versus being like, oh, this is a brand new skill that I'm just learning. Of course I'm going to shift out of it and also I'm a human, so of course I'm going to be constantly fluxing in and out of different states, different consciousness levels, different emotions, because I'm a human and like, literally, that's impossible to not do that. 

To think that you could be in the feeling states you want all the time is probably one of the most harmful beliefs that you could have. And when you're in a different one, to beat yourself up for it and judge yourself for it is one of the biggest barriers to healing and notice, then let's check in. If you're like me, you are then beating yourself up for being the person who does that. Right, the layers are deep. That was me. I would just judge myself for judging myself. I'd be like, oh my gosh, now I'm going to beat myself up for beating myself up, right, and can you just look at that, if this is you, with some humor of the ridiculousness of that because it just shows this patterning and this lens you look at yourself through. That is this lens you look at yourself through that you just didn't know that you could work with and remove that. 

It just doesn't have to be like that, that we can take things lightly. We can learn to have compassion with ourselves, we can learn to be flexible with ourselves, and in that process it's not about just letting yourself off the hook, it's about just knowing that you not only can do better, but more importantly, that you want better for yourself. This is a healthy striving, like you get to have a holiday season that you love, that feels good, and it takes intention to move towards that, because without some of the intentional work to move towards that, you will just keep repeating the same cycles. If you're someone who really has trouble breaking out of these cycles, you're not alone. All it takes is the recognition that you're someone who has trouble breaking out of these cycles. And even if you don't know how especially if you don't know how to do it because how would you know to? If you knew how to do it then you probably wouldn't have trouble with it right, or you at least wouldn't judge yourself for it. But if you're someone who has trouble, then no, you're not alone and nothing is wrong with you. You just haven't learned the skills of how to work with this and how to break through. 

I think so often, even in this podcast, is, you know, guilty of this, because only so much is possible through a podcast or a book or an audio or anything like that is so much is about helping you, just show you what's possible. But we're not laying out the step-by-step details of how to get there. Not because I'm holding it back from you, but because the layers are different for everybody, even if there's a lot of similarities. It's not something that just happens by listening. It takes an active introspection. That isn't that complicated how to do. It's just knowing how to work with what comes up for you. And this is exactly what we walk through in the whole self-integration method. That's within my pain to power program Right when you are integrating in these different parts, learning how to work with them on the subconscious nervous system level. 

That is how you repattern, how we act towards ourselves, how we can shift into this manifest or level of consciousness, for example, how you can shift into the emotional state, even when there's all these other voices that come in that tell you all the reasons why you can't do it. Once you learn how to work with all of them, then you get to shift into those states and things become so much easier from there. But it takes the willingness to learn how to work with what is getting in the way, because, for whatever is coming up as an oh, but this isn't going to work for me, because that is exactly the thing to be like. Well, thank you for showing me exactly what I need to work with, and you might need to work on it from a nervous system level, from a more thought work level, from a belief level Like I don't know what it is for you, and that's where we go through all the different nuances, so you know how to work with it. And that is all within the program and not something that is possible to cover in a podcast, because that's why it's a 12 week program right, I can't shove it all into a podcast. 

So if that's something you want to learn more, how to do is how to cultivate this state where you get to choose what you want, where you get to have more ease in your life and the best thing about it is doing so, reduces pain or even eliminates pain in some cases. In many, many cases, then the pain to power program is somewhere where you want to be. This is the program for you. This is the only program that really integrates the different levels of this work, where we work from a nervous system point, but also would go out and take action standpoint. This is the program where not only are you healing your pain, but you're also designing the life that you want for yourself in the process. So this is something that you're wanting to learn about and get your butt in the doors, especially right now, during the holiday season. Do it before the new year starts, get ahead, and right now is the best time to kind of get signed up and start getting information, because I am likely going to offer some Black Friday specials. I'm still cooking them up, though, but if you want to be first to access that, make sure you are signed up for the newsletter. The link will be in the link below, and if you want to just cut through all of that, just message me on Instagram pain to power, and I'll let you know the details you need to know. 

All right, and so, just as a quick wrap up. Remember there are three levels of consciousness we can be approaching the holidays with and, of course, anything in our lives. That is the victim mode, that is the I will feel desired state here. If, then, you have the achiever mode, I will feel great or insert emotion when, and lastly, the manifesto mode, I will feel great now and you get to design your holidays. You have already, hopefully, tapped into that feeling state, learned how you can cultivate it right here and right now. And now it is just about going and doing that wisdom guided action step that you came up with, or allowing it to come to you in the next couple hours or the next day or so, and taking action on it. Just one baby step, one thing to help you create the holidays that you want and break the cycle of what it has been. All right, I'll talk to you next time. Bye. 

Transcribed by https://podium.page